Waiting

As I approached my senior year of high school I began to ponder what I was going to do with my life. There were kids in my class that had already drawn out their whole life; some were going to college straight out high school and some were going into the workforce. At the time I thought that this was the only two options a high school senior had. So, of course I chose to work after high school. The following year after I graduated high school I litterally went through a dozen different jobs. During most of my high school life I worked one job at a convenient store but after high school I went on a search for my calling if you will… I worked as a t-shirt printer, in a grocery store, at Wal-Mart, a car salesman for a month, mobile home warranty repairman, cleaned printers, went to junior college for a month or so, three different oil field service companies and the one that takes that cake…I worked in a cabinet factory for four hours; seriously, I left at lunch! Obviously I wasn't satisfied and I wanted to do something with my life – I wanted to take action in my life, I wanted to be defined. It’s in our nature to take action on are own, we simply cannot sit still. Just like the Israelites who couldn’t wait for Moses in the book of Exodus.

I remember the day I graduated; I was scared and didn’t want to leave the school. Some of you might relate with this feeling. This is supposed to be a time to celebrate but all I could think about was what I was going to do the following Monday. I didn’t have any plans at all. I had never filled out any college applications because I had already counted myself out of that and I wasn’t going to the military. For me, I knew that Monday was the first day of the rest of my life.

As I worked through a dozen or so odd-jobs/failed “career paths” I felt so unhappy and out of place with each job. With every job I had I would find a reason to leave, thankfully I was never fired. See, I would go to work somewhere and instantly I wanted the same pay as the person who had been there for several years or I wanted the management position with out working for it. See I wanted to work but I wanted to have the “glory” job if you will. Even though a person had gone to college and put in countless hours and years into a job and had excelled into management; I wanted that and if I didn’t get it I quit. I wanted to work but I was searching for an important job even though I had not put more then a few months into a single workplace. I simply didn’t want to wait.

We all struggle with waiting. We live in a time where our generation has the fast food mentaility, we want it fast and we want everything now, we don't like to wait. So why would waiting be something that we would be delighted in doing and what exactly do we get out of waiting? Waiting allows training in what God has truly called us each too. Too many times we chase after what we desire most. This approach has one problem with it… God is not involved. We must first seek God through scriptures and prayer. As Mark Steele said “We tend to base our desire on our emotions. We call it our passion. If something moves us, we want to be an important part of it – and we want to be an important part of it immediately without process.” We want what our fathers have without all the work and waiting. Waiting is not a new concept and the disciples even endured the same frustrations with waiting; this is made clear in Acts 1:4-7 ‘And while being in their company and eating with them, He commanded them not to leave Jerusalem but to wait for what the Father had promised, Of which [He said] you have heard Me speak. For John baptized with water, but not many days from now you shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit. So when they were assembled, they asked Him, Lord, is this the time when You will reestablish the kingdom and restore it to Israel? He said to them, It is not for you to become acquainted with and know what time brings or fixed years and seasons, which the Father has appointed by His own choice and authority and personal power.’

When I was jumping from job to job I wasn’t really focused on God at all and I especially wasn't tuned into the fact that God created each of us uniquely. Our uniqueness causes us at time to feel alone, out of place or unhappy because we are always searching for that place to feel apart of something, to belong. We use words such as “Calling” and we say we are in search for our calling. When I was job jumping I didn’t know it at the time but I was searching for the call that God had on my life. We all have a sense that we are built for bigger and better things… that’s because we are. But why do some many of us struggle to find the “Call” on our life?

There are simply too many distractions in our lives which causes US to stand in the way. Think about it… our pleasures are instant and available, there are entertainment gadgets every which way to fill the quite time, there are amusements that attempt to address our boredom – there is no quiet time to spend with God or I should say that we are not making quiet time for God. Think about our times of heart ache or disappointments in our lives, we tend to “want to be alone” and in that alone time we either blame God or ask God to lift us out of something we have managed to get ourselves in. We don’t ever take quiet time to actually spend with God learning His word or praying to Him thanking Him for the blessings He has granted us with. I believe that our current position in life is a direct reflection of where we are in our relationship with God.

I remember thinking my last job was more of a curse then a blessing. I worked long hours and was in over my head more days then I wasn’t. I got to a point where I hated my job. One day me and my wife where speaking to a couple about our current situation, the husband pointed me to Jeremiah 29:11, which says ‘For I know the plans I have for you…plans for your welfare, not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’ After really reading and praying over that scripture that night, I went into work the following morning, closed the door to my office and told God that if this is were he wants me then I am going to do my best, not complain and have Faith in His plans for my future. The next day, a bank called to offer me a job, the job I currently hold. I would have never been considered for this job if it wasn’t for the fast paced, on-the-job training that I had received and grown to despise; God was preparing me the whole time and I didn’t even see it. See, I had to wait to receive my orders from God… He was essentially waiting on me to have that moment of acceptance, to accept that He was truly not the cause for my frustrations but in actuality it was because of the lack of communication and quiet time I had with Him. Joshua new this all too well as he displays in Joshua 3:7-9 ‘The Lord said to Joshua, This day I will begin to magnify you in the sight of all Israel, so they may know that as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. You shall command the priests who bear the Ark of the Covenant, when you come to the brink of the waters of the Jordan, you shall stand still in the Jordan. Joshua said to the Israelites, Come near, hear the words of the Lord your God.’ Joshua was commanded to stand still and as he stood still he would hear the words of the Lord.

We are all called to “stand still” and listen. God wants the best for each one of us but without a true relationship with Him how can you really understand what He is training you on. That feeling of “something bigger” or “more to life” is not just a feeling, it is God attempting to show you that you are designed for so much more than the world can offer….

I challenge you. I challenge you to actually spend time with God. Turn off the TV, put the kids to bed, put ear plugs in (I do this!), wake up early, do whatever it takes to have quite time. Spend this time praying and reading scripture and do this each night. If you have never done anything like this, then start off just talking to God. Just talk to Him about anything. Just spend time with Him, believe me you can’t tell God anything that He hasn’t already heard or that he doesn't already know. He just wants you to seek Him, He is waiting on you, He is always waiting on you and will continue to wait because He has a great plan for each one of us.

Picture Source: http://meme527.wordpress.com/2007/07/08/cure-for-the-blues-berry-cobbler/

GRACE (Sermon given at Thousand Oaks)

On September 13, 2009, I was invited to speak at Thousand Oaks Christian Church in San Antonio. I was honored by Pastor Andrew & Tara Pandolfi to even consider me with such an honor. God truly used me and my wife at Thousand Oaks... Below I have attached my sermon notes from this particular event. I want to thank Andrew and Tara again along with the whole Thousand Oaks church family for displaying incredible hospitality and welcoming me, my wife and my family to your church family. I also want to thank my family, friends and my wife for coming out and supporting me. - Thank You and God Bless you all.

GRACE - If you would have told me 5 years ago that I would be invited to speak at a church I would have thought you where crazy! Very similar in the way I stand in front of you today because I just had major knee surgery and when I had this surgery I had to use crutches to help carry myself and five years ago I was spiritually handicapped, I was paralyzed. I had to get some spiritual crutches, God’s Grace.

So how did I get to this place of accepting God’s Grace?

Well I like start by defining some of these terms in the Bible when I write because I still have to look up meanings of words myself. So First, Lets define Grace – The exercise of love, kindness, mercy, favor; disposition to benefit or serve another; favor bestowed or privilege conferred.

Ok… In February 2005 I reaccepted Christ into my life. I say reaccepted because my first go around I was baptized and although I was old enough to remember it; I never really accepted His Grace. See, I had never actually surrendered my life and I couldn’t obtain God’s Grace because I was still holding on to all of my selfish desires. Up until that point I had indulged in everything that the world had to offer and was still feeling depressed and disconnected… my life was falling apart. I was living for the weekends, sometimes starting on Thursday’s, drinking throughout the weekend and popping a few pills here and the occasion a joint or two, I was deep into pornography and my relationship with my wife was falling apart not to mention depression was a daily battle. I was so far disconnected from God’s Grace that I didn’t even know what it meant to have Grace in my life. But then in a moment of brokenness while attending a church service at the Salvation Army, I accepted God’s Grace; I turned away from all the things I struggled with. My marriage began to be restored, I no longer desired alcohol or drugs, and I turned away from the lust of my heart.

So, I accepted God’s Grace and never had a problem again… right!

Several months later I slipped into a state of mind that when I went to church I expected to get something out of it… which is not entirely bad but when I was going to church I was searching for stuff. The same way I searched for stuff in the world before I was saved was the same way I was searching for Stuff to make me feel more righteous, more Christian, more enlightened or emotional in the Church; the Church had to have the right programs, the right music, powerful sermons – see I was searching for “stuff” to help my relationship with Christ. I was expecting the church to form my relationship with God, NOT MYSELF. God’s Grace is not only enough but is actually the only “Stuff” that matters. It is hard to really understand that God’s Grace is sufficient above all else…

Paul spoke of this in 2Corthinians 12:9 ‘But He (he being God) said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong.’ When God’ Grace becomes the only thing that matters in our lives, then all of the other stuff falls into its proper place. Church no longer becomes a place to fulfill our wants and needs but becomes a place where we build relationships that are richer and selfless, efforts in the church become valuable and life-giving internally and externally because the Church stops being “stuff”, it becomes a place that we come to truly come worship God and connect with one another.

So, why do we need God’s Grace? Well, do you have weakness? Do you struggle with something in your life?

Most of us have what the world wants, so why would God’s Grace be sufficient enough for us when the world is providing us what we need?

When I was indulging in all that the world had to offer, I could never get enough and I always wanted something better. Think about how many times you have simply bought something that makes you feel better? A car, house, some sort of media toy… Then how long does that feeling last? Till the payment hits or until the new model comes out. I really struggled with God’s Grace earlier this year; I started to be tempted by pornography again, why, because I was beginning to let my mind indulge, beginning to let the world provide me with entertainment. My temptations where being accumulated from movies and sitcoms that had sexual scenes or sexually references in them; I consulted my wife about this and we made a decision that we don’t need to expose ourselves to those types of situations. Why did my wife and I choose that… because God’s Grace is sufficient!

I can’t tell you how God will show you His Grace but I can tell you how he has shown me Grace and maybe it will relate to some of you here. When my wife found out about the deceit and lies that where going on behind her back, she could have easily walked away. Like many marriages today, in the world’s eyes we should have divorced but my wife accepted what had happened and showed me forgiveness and compassion. She showed me Grace. Instead of passing judgment on the lifestyle that I had grown a custom to and the selfish desires that I had chased, she forgave me, Of course this takes time, we are still human but she was not going to let things of this world break our relationship…

(MY WIFE ADDED THIS PART, WHICH IS FROM HER POINT OF VIEW) From Tabby: When it comes to adultery, forgiveness and grace doesn’t come easy. There is a lot of pain associated with it. Although I didn’t walk away from my husband, I didn’t just automatically say It’s OK, I forgive you…now lets live happily ever after. A LOT of healing had to take place before the forgiveness came in. First and foremost my husband had to SHOW me change…not just voice his remorse. In this situation action had to take place and it definitely had to speak louder than words. Thankfully, he did just that. After he came and confessed to me all that that he was doing behind my back, he made a promise to put everything down, he vowed that he would never drink or do any drugs again and confess to me when he had the urge to look at pornography, and he did from that very moment. He didn’t take his sweet time with the change it started as soon as the words left his mouth. From that moment on, with strength only from God, Gerald never touched an alcoholic beverage or drugs again…and he has confessed to me when he was struggling with lust. It is through that powerful change that I was able to forgive. God used our weaknesses, our struggles and our pain, to perfect His power. Our marriage was totally restored and renewed. We got to start over fresh. This time it was different, this time there were no secrets, this time God was first. God works for good and He gives us hope even in the midst of our trials. God used our weakness and brokenness to strengthen and save our marriage and now he is using it to save others.

I thank God each day that she didn’t give up on me. We have a hard time accepting God’s Grace because of we don’t show Grace to each other. Romans 5:20-21 says “20But then Law came in, to expand and increase the trespass. But where sin increased and abounded, grace has surpassed it and increased the more and super abounded, 21So that, as sin has reigned in death, grace might reign also through righteousness which issues in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” We have all developed some sort of law in ourselves that we judge people by and ourselves, for example… there are people right now that are not coming to church because they believe that they will be judged or they are all together have no business in church because of their sin or feel like the church is full of hypocrites. The problems or issues in our lives are the weakness that we all struggle with, the weakness that we should use to strengthen us. When we sin or if we are currently in a sinful situation we should not consider ourselves “lawbreakers”, because all sin can do is threaten us with is death but Grace, because God is putting everything together through the Messiah, Jesus Christ, and He invites us into life.

My weaknesses have been my strength over the last couple of years, especially over the last few months. I have developed deep relationships with a couple guys in our church by simple expressing my struggles with pornography. I started to realize that people are struggling with their weaknesses and not sharing them with one another for fear of judgment. I recently started a blog called Men of Truth. I titled it that because I want to be a man of truth, a man who is totally transparent in all my weaknesses. I started because one of the guys that I developed a friendship with said to me “man you need to tell more people this stuff because allot of my friends are struggling and don’t have no one to talk to.” He was a kid that was struggling with his weaknesses and had no one to talk to. All I did was showed him Grace through my own weaknesses. If we share our weaknesses with each other as a church family, if we stop judging by the world’s standards and start showing Grace by God’s, we will grow dependence for God’s stuff…

In Philippians 3:8 it says “Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish, in order that I may win Christ…” To know Christ is the first priority, not plasma TVs, Cowboys Tickets, new trucks, or even our spouses or kids. Because if we don’t have a relationship with Christ all other things don’t fall into their proper place and are rubbish and your weaknesses becomes your god (Just like myself) and God’s Grace cannot be sufficient.