For the Christian men out there, those that claim a relationship with Jesus Christ. Those who have raised their hand in desperation and brokenness after coming to a moment where you realized that you needed God. Those that have grown up, raised their whole lives in the church knowing the scriptures inside and out. For those who preach the word, who write books, speak publicly, who are on staff with Christian organizations and evangelize in the name of Jesus Christ and for those who stand behind the pulpit preaching to a congregation – why are you still struggling with a sexual addiction? Those who have converted to Christianity late in life, who have seen the real value of relationship with Jesus Christ, who seemingly do all the right things, who are being discipled, who speak out against the injustices of the world – why are you still battling with that secret porn addiction? Why do you still run back like the unfaithful wife, Gomer in the Book of Hosea? After countless failed attempts, after reading numerous books, confessing to those you love the most, participating in support groups, and praying late night prayers of desperation and fear of being exposed of the secret sexual addiction struggle (IE:internet porn)? The fear of exposure of a secret internet porn addiction, anonymous prostitution visits, strips clubs on out of town business trips, or questionable relationships with another person that crosses lines that you wouldn’t want your spouse crossing cripples with. Why the struggle, why the consistent acting out in a manner that you compulsively seem drawn to still? Is it that you don’t know Jesus Christ? Is it that you are a hypocrite? Is it because you haven’t really believed you are saved? Maybe you haven’t accepted that you’re free from this addiction? Or maybe, just maybe you know all those things, love Jesus deeply, love the Word of God, know the truth and the simple answer is that you are just not doing the work.
Carl Thomas of XXXChurch (www.xxxchurch.com) was the first person I heard say, “That the head knowledge needs to catch up with the heart knowledge.” This was said as he led the support group I was a member of several years ago when I was in the trenches battling my own addictions. When he said this, he was pointing out that we as a group of Christian men knew the truth and knew the love of Christ and all God had to offer but our daily approach to life didn’t support that knowledge.
In my own journey; wait, let me explain this journey with an addiction. It is just that… a journey. For those reading this that are in the darkness of a sexual related addiction that has thrown your marriage, profession, or public life into question, you are on this very journey. For those who have struggled for years, seen small victories or extended ones with some relapses you are on the same journey. For those who have no clue or realization that sexual addictions are real – you are on this journey to. Why? Because we all have that little voice inside of us that causes us to question, to ponder what we are doing, who we are hurting and what the effects of the decision are going to be. Some have pushed that voice further down with other personal battles and some have run into addictions and horrible acts against themselves or others to be accepted or loved. We all fit into the same category but that’s not what I want to do, categorize you. I look at the journey as a road we are all on. We are at different points. I am further on the road then some, and there are some further up the road then me. The point is that we are all on the same road. Searching for acceptance, love and affirmation. The worst of the worst who does the most violent crimes against humanity is no different than you, seeking out and acting out in a sexual nature. Everyone is medicating.
When I started this journey the first step I had to realize and ask myself, several times, Do you want to be free? Sure, we can pull a ton of scriptures that say why not to look at porn or have multiple sexual partners; however, when you ask the question, do you want to be free? It does something to you – forces you to really think about it. There is a great resource I use when mentoring with men who are fresh to the world of accountability or have never really been in an accountability relationship. It is by “Be Broken Ministries” called Purity 101. The reason I love this resource is because it gets directly to the heart of the issue. You! It’s not God, Jesus or the church (while I understand that church can damage us as well as leaders, but that’s another conversation that we do have during mentoring). John 5:5-9 Jesus tells the man sitting next to the pool who is complaining about why he can’t get to the pool for healing, Jesus doesn’t go and pick him up or ask people to move – he says, “Get up, take up your bed and walk.” It is the picture of Jesus being realistic. Knowing that we must believe in ourselves, that we have some work to do as well. You can’t go from a life of sexual related dependencies and immediately walk into complete victory. It is a nice slogan, but the reality is that you must learn to walk. You must build a life that supports your conviction. That is mentoring, that is accountability. Learning from those who are just a little further then you on the journey.
First step: Ask the hard questions of yourself and ask God the hard questions. Don’t be afraid of the true answers and don’t ‘church’ it up. This is your life we are talking about! Do you want to be free? Do you fear a life of freedom because all you have known is a life sexually dependent? (I.E.: porn) Are you content with sin and secrecy? Have you lost hope for real change?
Image Source:Noah Sillman @noahsilliman
