I have heard sermons upon sermons on sexual purity and sexual sin in all different types of churches of all different types of denominations. I have even spoken at some churches on this very subject and lead group discussions and teaching on the subject of pornography. Since walking through my own pornography addictions, sexual related issues and stepping into a role several years ago to mentor and support those in the midst of their own addictions, I've learned about the empty sermon.
The first sermon I heard about pornography and sexual addiction was the first time I didn't feel completely alone and weird about my own addictions. But as soon as I walked out of the church, got into the car and started to process the sermon I began to feel hopeless. Why? Because there was no follow up to the sermon. No one to follow up with. No resources other than the Bible. I am not saying that the Bible is useless or not life changing - it is. With addiction though, an addiction that has been built on years of actions, habits and behaviors that have supported that addiction, there is a need for some practical tools. I have mentored 40 to 50 men who struggle with different sexual strongholds such as, addictions to pornography and some to crossdressing and even some to homosexuality in a heterosexual marriage. I have walked with weeping men in ministry as they try to make sense of their pornography addiction while trying to lead a church and hold a marriage together. Men who had little knowledge of the Bible but knew that sexual addiction was tearing their family apart. Sermons are great, and they need to be spoken but the fact is that sermons on sexual addiction stir up shame, guilt and awkward emotions. The verses thrown out and personal views from the pulpit, while it can be constructive it can also be damaging to those in some deep seated addictions.
My first book Hangover to Jesus (You can find it here) is a memoir of how I came to have a relationship with God that was my own. That radically changed my life. But as I end the book I touch on the battle that had just begun with pornography, the battle to overcome the addiction. Throughout the book I attempt to draw a picture of a life that has been built to support a life of sexual related addictions. I found community, hope and real practical tools that helped me combat pornography addiction through a para-church program. Was it perfect? No. Was it the answer to everything? No. Was it effective? Yes! When I speak to a group no matter the crowd, church or civic organization; I safely assume that 80%-90% of my audience has some level of sexual habits that can be classified as undesirable and/or complusive. Whether it be pornography addiction, sexual acting out outside the marriage, purchasing sex, sexual related fetishes or fill in the blank. I assume this because for one it helps put myself in a posture of humbleness and honor. Secondly, it reminds me of my own battle. I remind men I mentor that when I am put into a position to mentor them, I am nothing more then a man who is further up the road of recovery and has experienced freedom through the battle. I am simply trying to get them further up the road. Freedom is not obtained then never fought for again, freedom is fought for everyday. My freedom is a bloody battle at times and some times its a walk in the park.
The point is that a sermon on "sexual sin" that offers no battle plan for freedom is empty for those with addiction. Sure it is a great speech that rallies the troops but then leaves them standing awkwardly because of a lack of a plan or resources. For Christians it seems to be more difficult to admit issues with sex, pornography or sexuality because of the huge judgement cloud that looms over Christians. There is so much more condemnation and misunderstanding and embarrassment that exist when a man is struggling with looking at porn. The levels and depths of porn and sexual addiction can range from so many levels. The "going to hell" crowd that instantly condemns those that say are in a heterosexual marriage and look at homosexual porn. Its rough. Those that our outside of the church, or maybe have a hard time with God, Churches and Christians I find that these people find an incredible faith through their recovery. Both groups realize one thing when they jump in the battle of their addiction.... they have a distorted view of God, God's love and who they are.
This is why we do what we do. No matter the outcome and without any judgement we make ourselves available to those struggling. We love seeing people enter the battle, fighting for their freedom, their marriages and their families. If you have felt that feeling of despair and hopelessness after a talk focused around sexual addictions, we would love to hear from you. We have some great resources and would love to share what we have for your needs. Also we will be launching our website very soon, www.bebravebefree.org. If you are a church, ministry or any other leader that is having a hard time filling the gaps. Developing programs that are sustainable and life changing - contact us. We would love to talk with you!
The last thought is this. If you have that "gut" feeling that something is just not right with the way you view sex or the things you are involved in then find someone to start a conversation with. Trusted people, people that have some maturity and wisdom. If you have tried a thousands things or had those "this is the last time" moments and it never is - find someone. While we want the answers to come from our church family and our church leaders the fact is that while a lot of churches have solid people in leadership, others are struggling theirselves. Don't get so caught up in religion and denomination that you give your self an excuse to not get help. Your relationship with God your conviction and your life is a gift from God. And God wants the best for you. You can only love unconditionally when you have loved yourself unconditionally.
