Waiting

As I approached my senior year of high school I began to ponder what I was going to do with my life. There were kids in my class that had already drawn out their whole life; some were going to college straight out high school and some were going into the workforce. At the time I thought that this was the only two options a high school senior had. So, of course I chose to work after high school. The following year after I graduated high school I litterally went through a dozen different jobs. During most of my high school life I worked one job at a convenient store but after high school I went on a search for my calling if you will… I worked as a t-shirt printer, in a grocery store, at Wal-Mart, a car salesman for a month, mobile home warranty repairman, cleaned printers, went to junior college for a month or so, three different oil field service companies and the one that takes that cake…I worked in a cabinet factory for four hours; seriously, I left at lunch! Obviously I wasn't satisfied and I wanted to do something with my life – I wanted to take action in my life, I wanted to be defined. It’s in our nature to take action on are own, we simply cannot sit still. Just like the Israelites who couldn’t wait for Moses in the book of Exodus.

I remember the day I graduated; I was scared and didn’t want to leave the school. Some of you might relate with this feeling. This is supposed to be a time to celebrate but all I could think about was what I was going to do the following Monday. I didn’t have any plans at all. I had never filled out any college applications because I had already counted myself out of that and I wasn’t going to the military. For me, I knew that Monday was the first day of the rest of my life.

As I worked through a dozen or so odd-jobs/failed “career paths” I felt so unhappy and out of place with each job. With every job I had I would find a reason to leave, thankfully I was never fired. See, I would go to work somewhere and instantly I wanted the same pay as the person who had been there for several years or I wanted the management position with out working for it. See I wanted to work but I wanted to have the “glory” job if you will. Even though a person had gone to college and put in countless hours and years into a job and had excelled into management; I wanted that and if I didn’t get it I quit. I wanted to work but I was searching for an important job even though I had not put more then a few months into a single workplace. I simply didn’t want to wait.

We all struggle with waiting. We live in a time where our generation has the fast food mentaility, we want it fast and we want everything now, we don't like to wait. So why would waiting be something that we would be delighted in doing and what exactly do we get out of waiting? Waiting allows training in what God has truly called us each too. Too many times we chase after what we desire most. This approach has one problem with it… God is not involved. We must first seek God through scriptures and prayer. As Mark Steele said “We tend to base our desire on our emotions. We call it our passion. If something moves us, we want to be an important part of it – and we want to be an important part of it immediately without process.” We want what our fathers have without all the work and waiting. Waiting is not a new concept and the disciples even endured the same frustrations with waiting; this is made clear in Acts 1:4-7 ‘And while being in their company and eating with them, He commanded them not to leave Jerusalem but to wait for what the Father had promised, Of which [He said] you have heard Me speak. For John baptized with water, but not many days from now you shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit. So when they were assembled, they asked Him, Lord, is this the time when You will reestablish the kingdom and restore it to Israel? He said to them, It is not for you to become acquainted with and know what time brings or fixed years and seasons, which the Father has appointed by His own choice and authority and personal power.’

When I was jumping from job to job I wasn’t really focused on God at all and I especially wasn't tuned into the fact that God created each of us uniquely. Our uniqueness causes us at time to feel alone, out of place or unhappy because we are always searching for that place to feel apart of something, to belong. We use words such as “Calling” and we say we are in search for our calling. When I was job jumping I didn’t know it at the time but I was searching for the call that God had on my life. We all have a sense that we are built for bigger and better things… that’s because we are. But why do some many of us struggle to find the “Call” on our life?

There are simply too many distractions in our lives which causes US to stand in the way. Think about it… our pleasures are instant and available, there are entertainment gadgets every which way to fill the quite time, there are amusements that attempt to address our boredom – there is no quiet time to spend with God or I should say that we are not making quiet time for God. Think about our times of heart ache or disappointments in our lives, we tend to “want to be alone” and in that alone time we either blame God or ask God to lift us out of something we have managed to get ourselves in. We don’t ever take quiet time to actually spend with God learning His word or praying to Him thanking Him for the blessings He has granted us with. I believe that our current position in life is a direct reflection of where we are in our relationship with God.

I remember thinking my last job was more of a curse then a blessing. I worked long hours and was in over my head more days then I wasn’t. I got to a point where I hated my job. One day me and my wife where speaking to a couple about our current situation, the husband pointed me to Jeremiah 29:11, which says ‘For I know the plans I have for you…plans for your welfare, not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’ After really reading and praying over that scripture that night, I went into work the following morning, closed the door to my office and told God that if this is were he wants me then I am going to do my best, not complain and have Faith in His plans for my future. The next day, a bank called to offer me a job, the job I currently hold. I would have never been considered for this job if it wasn’t for the fast paced, on-the-job training that I had received and grown to despise; God was preparing me the whole time and I didn’t even see it. See, I had to wait to receive my orders from God… He was essentially waiting on me to have that moment of acceptance, to accept that He was truly not the cause for my frustrations but in actuality it was because of the lack of communication and quiet time I had with Him. Joshua new this all too well as he displays in Joshua 3:7-9 ‘The Lord said to Joshua, This day I will begin to magnify you in the sight of all Israel, so they may know that as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. You shall command the priests who bear the Ark of the Covenant, when you come to the brink of the waters of the Jordan, you shall stand still in the Jordan. Joshua said to the Israelites, Come near, hear the words of the Lord your God.’ Joshua was commanded to stand still and as he stood still he would hear the words of the Lord.

We are all called to “stand still” and listen. God wants the best for each one of us but without a true relationship with Him how can you really understand what He is training you on. That feeling of “something bigger” or “more to life” is not just a feeling, it is God attempting to show you that you are designed for so much more than the world can offer….

I challenge you. I challenge you to actually spend time with God. Turn off the TV, put the kids to bed, put ear plugs in (I do this!), wake up early, do whatever it takes to have quite time. Spend this time praying and reading scripture and do this each night. If you have never done anything like this, then start off just talking to God. Just talk to Him about anything. Just spend time with Him, believe me you can’t tell God anything that He hasn’t already heard or that he doesn't already know. He just wants you to seek Him, He is waiting on you, He is always waiting on you and will continue to wait because He has a great plan for each one of us.

Picture Source: http://meme527.wordpress.com/2007/07/08/cure-for-the-blues-berry-cobbler/

GRACE (Sermon given at Thousand Oaks)

On September 13, 2009, I was invited to speak at Thousand Oaks Christian Church in San Antonio. I was honored by Pastor Andrew & Tara Pandolfi to even consider me with such an honor. God truly used me and my wife at Thousand Oaks... Below I have attached my sermon notes from this particular event. I want to thank Andrew and Tara again along with the whole Thousand Oaks church family for displaying incredible hospitality and welcoming me, my wife and my family to your church family. I also want to thank my family, friends and my wife for coming out and supporting me. - Thank You and God Bless you all.

GRACE - If you would have told me 5 years ago that I would be invited to speak at a church I would have thought you where crazy! Very similar in the way I stand in front of you today because I just had major knee surgery and when I had this surgery I had to use crutches to help carry myself and five years ago I was spiritually handicapped, I was paralyzed. I had to get some spiritual crutches, God’s Grace.

So how did I get to this place of accepting God’s Grace?

Well I like start by defining some of these terms in the Bible when I write because I still have to look up meanings of words myself. So First, Lets define Grace – The exercise of love, kindness, mercy, favor; disposition to benefit or serve another; favor bestowed or privilege conferred.

Ok… In February 2005 I reaccepted Christ into my life. I say reaccepted because my first go around I was baptized and although I was old enough to remember it; I never really accepted His Grace. See, I had never actually surrendered my life and I couldn’t obtain God’s Grace because I was still holding on to all of my selfish desires. Up until that point I had indulged in everything that the world had to offer and was still feeling depressed and disconnected… my life was falling apart. I was living for the weekends, sometimes starting on Thursday’s, drinking throughout the weekend and popping a few pills here and the occasion a joint or two, I was deep into pornography and my relationship with my wife was falling apart not to mention depression was a daily battle. I was so far disconnected from God’s Grace that I didn’t even know what it meant to have Grace in my life. But then in a moment of brokenness while attending a church service at the Salvation Army, I accepted God’s Grace; I turned away from all the things I struggled with. My marriage began to be restored, I no longer desired alcohol or drugs, and I turned away from the lust of my heart.

So, I accepted God’s Grace and never had a problem again… right!

Several months later I slipped into a state of mind that when I went to church I expected to get something out of it… which is not entirely bad but when I was going to church I was searching for stuff. The same way I searched for stuff in the world before I was saved was the same way I was searching for Stuff to make me feel more righteous, more Christian, more enlightened or emotional in the Church; the Church had to have the right programs, the right music, powerful sermons – see I was searching for “stuff” to help my relationship with Christ. I was expecting the church to form my relationship with God, NOT MYSELF. God’s Grace is not only enough but is actually the only “Stuff” that matters. It is hard to really understand that God’s Grace is sufficient above all else…

Paul spoke of this in 2Corthinians 12:9 ‘But He (he being God) said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong.’ When God’ Grace becomes the only thing that matters in our lives, then all of the other stuff falls into its proper place. Church no longer becomes a place to fulfill our wants and needs but becomes a place where we build relationships that are richer and selfless, efforts in the church become valuable and life-giving internally and externally because the Church stops being “stuff”, it becomes a place that we come to truly come worship God and connect with one another.

So, why do we need God’s Grace? Well, do you have weakness? Do you struggle with something in your life?

Most of us have what the world wants, so why would God’s Grace be sufficient enough for us when the world is providing us what we need?

When I was indulging in all that the world had to offer, I could never get enough and I always wanted something better. Think about how many times you have simply bought something that makes you feel better? A car, house, some sort of media toy… Then how long does that feeling last? Till the payment hits or until the new model comes out. I really struggled with God’s Grace earlier this year; I started to be tempted by pornography again, why, because I was beginning to let my mind indulge, beginning to let the world provide me with entertainment. My temptations where being accumulated from movies and sitcoms that had sexual scenes or sexually references in them; I consulted my wife about this and we made a decision that we don’t need to expose ourselves to those types of situations. Why did my wife and I choose that… because God’s Grace is sufficient!

I can’t tell you how God will show you His Grace but I can tell you how he has shown me Grace and maybe it will relate to some of you here. When my wife found out about the deceit and lies that where going on behind her back, she could have easily walked away. Like many marriages today, in the world’s eyes we should have divorced but my wife accepted what had happened and showed me forgiveness and compassion. She showed me Grace. Instead of passing judgment on the lifestyle that I had grown a custom to and the selfish desires that I had chased, she forgave me, Of course this takes time, we are still human but she was not going to let things of this world break our relationship…

(MY WIFE ADDED THIS PART, WHICH IS FROM HER POINT OF VIEW) From Tabby: When it comes to adultery, forgiveness and grace doesn’t come easy. There is a lot of pain associated with it. Although I didn’t walk away from my husband, I didn’t just automatically say It’s OK, I forgive you…now lets live happily ever after. A LOT of healing had to take place before the forgiveness came in. First and foremost my husband had to SHOW me change…not just voice his remorse. In this situation action had to take place and it definitely had to speak louder than words. Thankfully, he did just that. After he came and confessed to me all that that he was doing behind my back, he made a promise to put everything down, he vowed that he would never drink or do any drugs again and confess to me when he had the urge to look at pornography, and he did from that very moment. He didn’t take his sweet time with the change it started as soon as the words left his mouth. From that moment on, with strength only from God, Gerald never touched an alcoholic beverage or drugs again…and he has confessed to me when he was struggling with lust. It is through that powerful change that I was able to forgive. God used our weaknesses, our struggles and our pain, to perfect His power. Our marriage was totally restored and renewed. We got to start over fresh. This time it was different, this time there were no secrets, this time God was first. God works for good and He gives us hope even in the midst of our trials. God used our weakness and brokenness to strengthen and save our marriage and now he is using it to save others.

I thank God each day that she didn’t give up on me. We have a hard time accepting God’s Grace because of we don’t show Grace to each other. Romans 5:20-21 says “20But then Law came in, to expand and increase the trespass. But where sin increased and abounded, grace has surpassed it and increased the more and super abounded, 21So that, as sin has reigned in death, grace might reign also through righteousness which issues in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” We have all developed some sort of law in ourselves that we judge people by and ourselves, for example… there are people right now that are not coming to church because they believe that they will be judged or they are all together have no business in church because of their sin or feel like the church is full of hypocrites. The problems or issues in our lives are the weakness that we all struggle with, the weakness that we should use to strengthen us. When we sin or if we are currently in a sinful situation we should not consider ourselves “lawbreakers”, because all sin can do is threaten us with is death but Grace, because God is putting everything together through the Messiah, Jesus Christ, and He invites us into life.

My weaknesses have been my strength over the last couple of years, especially over the last few months. I have developed deep relationships with a couple guys in our church by simple expressing my struggles with pornography. I started to realize that people are struggling with their weaknesses and not sharing them with one another for fear of judgment. I recently started a blog called Men of Truth. I titled it that because I want to be a man of truth, a man who is totally transparent in all my weaknesses. I started because one of the guys that I developed a friendship with said to me “man you need to tell more people this stuff because allot of my friends are struggling and don’t have no one to talk to.” He was a kid that was struggling with his weaknesses and had no one to talk to. All I did was showed him Grace through my own weaknesses. If we share our weaknesses with each other as a church family, if we stop judging by the world’s standards and start showing Grace by God’s, we will grow dependence for God’s stuff…

In Philippians 3:8 it says “Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish, in order that I may win Christ…” To know Christ is the first priority, not plasma TVs, Cowboys Tickets, new trucks, or even our spouses or kids. Because if we don’t have a relationship with Christ all other things don’t fall into their proper place and are rubbish and your weaknesses becomes your god (Just like myself) and God’s Grace cannot be sufficient.

God uses Imperfections

In 2008 I went on a mission trip to Mexico City; the purpose of this trip was to hand out 4,000 copies of the Gospel of John. The whole time leading up to this trip I felt as if God was going to really reveal something to me; in fact, I told my wife this before I actually made the decision to even talk to the pastor about the mission trip. When we arrived to the church in Mexico City and did the introductions between everyone they begin to beak us off in teams. There were 6 of us and I was just praying to myself at this point for me to be placed with someone that could speak English. Well, God had other plans for me the first day; no one in my group spoke English and they didn’t understand a word I was saying and vice versa. So the first full day of this trip I was totally dependent on people that I couldn’t understand, it was crazy; however, there were two days that I was paired with a young man, Miguel, who did speak English. As I mentioned earlier, the purpose of this trip was to hand out 4,000 copies of the Gospel of John to households throughout the area we were serving. Again, God had other plans for me during this time.

Me and Miguel started off one day after lunch, just me and him; two strangers. As we began our walk throughout the community we began to talk, mostly small talk about cultural differences and sports until he ask me a question that would start our two day journey. As we walked along the street he asked if I was married in which I responded yes. We then started to discuss his girlfriend and their desire to marry each other. Miguel expressed concerns about marriage and he shared that he still drank and partied. I responded and said “I used to do that”, he was surprised because in his words “I didn’t seem like that.” As we openly discussed the struggles that we had both encountered with alcohol, drugs, and the effects of certain types of music we started to develop trust between each other. After we had gotten into some pretty deep conversations about different situations while handling out gospels to households, he ask me a question that still impacts me to this day, “I want to ask you something because I know you don’t know anyone here and won’t tell anyone.” This took me aback. He then asked me about pornography, strippers, masturbation, pretty much all aspects of sexual sin. Everything that I had struggled with first hand. Miguel and I shared deep conversation about the struggles of sin in our lives; I shared my testimony about breaking the bondage of alcohol and drugs and shared with him my struggles with sexual sin. As we handed out gospels to residents of Mexico City we shared how God was working in our lives and breaking sin in our lives as well as our struggles with sexual sin and lust in our hearts.

Here I was, thousands of miles from home in the second largest city in the world connecting with a young man about the same exact struggles I was encountering in my life. In 2Corinthians 5:11 says “…we persuade people. We are completely open before God, and I hope we are completely open to your consciences as well.” I was completely open with Miguel as he was with me, we did this before God. Sharing our brokenness with each other somehow fit into one another’s lives, our entire lives. Miguel and I had an intimate moment with each other not because of the righteousness that we tried to reflect, but by the “crap” that we were dealing with. I spoke into Miguel’s live about alcohol and drug abuse and we encouraged each other with our struggles with sexual sin. Embracing the reality of the world we live in and the addictions, emotional damage, lustful desires and the basic selfishness that we ALL struggle with each day communicates truth. It demonstrates that we understand this life we live and this world we live in.

We are alone and our lives don’t make any sense because God never intended for us to stand alone. Each one of our lives where made by God. We all have a testimony of some sort, broken marriages restored, divorce, abuse, addiction, sexual abuse, financial problems– anything that we have or are still struggling with can be used for God’s glory! Someone out there is looking for a reason to believe, to continue fighting. God intended for us to connect to the brokenness in the world we live in to reflect a perfect God.

God uses imperfect people to represent a perfect God.

source for image: http://media.photobucket.com/image/Walking%20Together/snavenel/istockphoto_798931_walking_together.jpg

So-Called Culture

If you have been reading this blog you know some of the darker sides that I have experienced. You know that I am open on how sexual sin has affected my life in many ways and how I truly believe that it was the “gateway” to all the other sins that I indulged in. I sometimes ask the question of why am I sharing this with an audience that I mostly do not know personally? Why do I stay up late into the night with a passion to write and to develop some sort of message? It’s because sexual sin is out of control and has become an accepted part of out society.

Michael Vick recently was reinstated into the National Football League after spending 18 months in a federal prison. Vick recently did an interview with ESPN and made this comment –

“I let myself down, you know, not being out on the football field, being in a prison bed, in a prison bunk, writing letters home, you know. That wasn’t my life. That wasn’t the way that things were supposed to be. And all because of the so-called culture that I thought was right – that I thought it was cool. And I thought is was, you know, it was fun, and it was exciting at the time. It all led to me laying in a prison bunk by myself with no one to talk to but myself.”

Michael Vick bought into a culture that was feeding him with empty promises and he was following false idols. Vick was at one time the highest paid quarterback, when he was convicted and sent to prison he lost $135 million in contracts and endorsements; along with the money, the people who where his friends where the first to pin everything on Vick to prevent themselves from going to prison. The “so-called culture” that Vick referrers to is the lie that the world sells to each and every one of us as men. This is why I am sharing my story, not because I have some close connection with Michael Vick but because he resembles what most men are battling; a culture that has embraced sinful actions.

Men are losing the battle against sexual sin. We have become a generation of men who are consumed with selfish desires and we don’t even realize it. We are tricked by the seeming innocence of little things such as billboards and advertisements with scantily clad dressed women that are specially designed to draw our eyes in for closer looks as if we ourselves are David looking at the woman bathing on the roof (2Samuel 11:2). Just like David, we go out inquiring and eventually we sin. You may think that I am being a bit dramatic but consider a few of these facts:

• Hollywood currently releases 11,000 adult movies per year – more than 20 times the mainstream movie production. (LA Times Magazine, 2002)



• One in 4 American adults surveyed in 2002 admitted to seeing an x-rated movie in the last year. (National Opinion Research Letter)



• 42% of songs on ten top-selling CDs in 1999 contained sexual content, 41% of which were "very explicit" or "pretty explicit." (Family News in Focus, July 2005)



• "Comcast, the nation's largest cable company, pulled in $50 million from adult programming. All the nation's top cable operators, from Time Warner to Cablevision, distribute sexually explicit material to their subscribers. But you won't read about it in their annual reports. Same with satellite providers like EchoStar and DirecTV, which is owned by Hughes Technology, a subsidiary of General Motors. How much does DirecTV make off of adult product? “They don't break the number out. But I would guess they'd probably get a couple hundred million, maybe as much as $500 million, off of adult entertainment, in a broad sense,” says Dennis McAlpine, a partner in McAlpine Associates, who has tracked the entertainment industry for over two decades. “I would think it's probably more than what their overall profit is. The other areas are losing money. That's making money.” Then there are the big hotel chains: Hilton, Marriot, Hyatt, Sheraton and Holiday Inn, which all offer adult films on in-room pay-per-view television systems. And they are purchased by a whopping 50 percent of their guests, accounting for nearly 70 percent of their in-room profits. One hotel owner said, "We have to have it, our guests demand it.” (From a CBS News Special Report, November 2003)



• "The porn industry employs an excess of 12,000 people in California. In California alone the porn industry pays over $36 million in taxes every year." (Bill Lyon, a former lobbyist for the defense industry turned lobbyist for porn, as quoted by CBS News November 2003.)

Our so-called culture is built off of the sins of our fathers. Generational sin is very real and if you are struggling with some type of sin in your life odds are your father struggled in the same manner. Both my grandfathers were alcoholics and from what I know put their families through some tough times and had tough times themselves. My father was an alcoholic but made the choice to break the bondage of alcohol on our family. I may have struggled with alcohol and drugs but realizing the decision my father made and remembering the change that occurred even at a young age was dramatic and impressionable. In Exodus 34:7 it says “Keeping mercy and loving-kindness for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but Who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children's children, to the third and fourth generation.” My father made the first step to breaking the generational sin in our family and at 25 yrs old I made the choice to continue. I vowed to take what my father had started and build off of it so that my wife wouldn’t have to suffer through some of the trials that come with dealing with men with addictive habits.

To break sin in your life you must make a choice, to serve God or the world. In Joshua 24:19 he is speaking of the renewal of the covenant, “…You will not be able to worship the Lord, because He is a holy God. He is a jealous God, He will not remove your transgression and sins”; our rebellion and sins keep us from a relationship with God not to mention experiencing His blessing that come from an in-dept relationship. I made that choice to not serve the world but I didn’t do it overnight and to be completely honest I am still working on it.

When I decided to choose God I addressed all the “big” sins in my life: sexual sin, drugs and alcohol. Addressing these sins in my life was a huge step and I felt as if I had removed the sin that was enticing me; however, I had not begun to address the sin that had become sensible in my life because of the acceptance in our so-called culture. In our culture it is not a question whether you will be tempted but rather then when will you face temptation? The truth is that we will all be tempted and there is nothing we can do about it. The problem really isn’t the temptation either. The issue is that we have become so focused on our definition of sin that we haven’t developed responses to the “small” sins, the sensible sins. We stamp people as sinners for lust and addictions to alcohol, drugs and sex; when we ourselves are not vigilant when it comes to materialism and excess; pride and resentment, gossip, jealousy, selfishness and greed, monitoring the words we say. I don’t know about you but I have become pretty good about ignoring these “small” sins because in our so-called culture these sins are acceptable as Christians. We use these small sins in our daily lives to move us forward because broken people are motivated by broken efforts.

Sinful nature is in each and everyone of us. If the weakness that we have in our lives is not held accountable then the sin will add up and eventually destroy our lives. Little sins lead to the big sins. We have pursued holiness in the areas of our lives that our so-call culture looks down upon therefore causing us to label ourselves acceptable Christians with the attitudes and approaches that are actually sin. I am not defending Michael Vick but I am saying that he got caught up in the so-called cultures view of acceptable sin along with myself. We must look to God for acceptances and the sin in your life and my life must be taken to Him in prayer. We have such a hard time admitting failure and that we need help. The hardest thing I ever told anyone was when I told my wife that I had a problem with sexual sin in my life and I needed help… the second was admitting to God that I had fallen into the worlds definition of a Christian and not His – this was just a few weeks ago.

The reason I write this blog – God has called me to share my thoughts, trials and concerns. Why? – because I believe that men are ready to take a stand against a culture that has tried to mold us. We wander why we have feelings of failure, it because we have not looked to our true father – God.

Who's to Blame?

When I was at the height of my addictive state it seemed like everywhere I turned there was something to satisfy my craving for some selfish desire. I would literally go several days influenced by some type of drug or alcohol. I was drinking at work, taking pills to stay awake at school, taking pills to fall asleep; it was everywhere and it seemed like I had total access. It was no different with the lust in my heart; the internet was always there, there where a couple of strip clubs in Waco and adult stores. It seemed that everywhere I turned there was something supplying a desire. Sins are not “out there” in the media, strip clubs, bars, dance clubs; they are not in the women who wear revealing clothing. The painful truth is that the sinfulness of our hearts that breed lust and sin is in “us.” This is explained by Jesus in Mark 7:21-22 “For from within, out of people’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immoralities, thefts, murders, adulteries, greed, evil action, deceit, lewdness, stinginess, blasphemy, pride, and foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a person.”

The world has put so much into what qualifies as normal and abnormal behavior. If you have some sort of abnormality the world’s answer is a cure. When I was struggling with my grades in high school it was never my fault it was always the teachers. The thought never crossed my mind that it might have been because I didn’t study the material or do the assignments as the teacher directed. I blamed someone else. When I was going through the “dark” stages in my life I honestly thought that it was because everything was so readily available, there was a place to get everything and it seemed like people where ready to give it away. It never once crossed my mind that it was the unrestrained conduct and foolishness that came from within. It is so easy to blame someone or something else for our sin instead of “manning” up and admitting the problem we have with sin and repenting

According to Scripture Jesus is normal and without sin, that would make all of us abnormal sinners with indwelling sin. So that must mean that we are all abnormal because we all struggle with sin, right? Our lives are outward reflections of our hearts; our heart is the essence of who we are; which, is the expressions of ourselves through words and actions. When I said earlier that everything was readily available, well it was. I was attracting everything that my heart desired. My inner desires where to serve myself and indulge in every selfish desire that I could so I was getting exactly what I wanted.

We live in a culture that has become very sexually minded. In the 50’s and 60’s Playboy and Penthouse were stored behind the counter out of sight and you would have to ask for it with some type of secret code word or something. We see movies with full nudity and sex scenes played out in vivid color. We can just simply go to the movie rental place and the adult movies are on the top shelf in plain sight and men you know as well as I do it just takes a glance. (Matthew 5:28 “…everyone who looks at a women to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”) I heard a comment once by some guys about girls, they said that most girls these days have been with several people and it was hard to find a “good girl.” I responded with, “Why do you think they are like that?” Women truly don’t want to be treated like pieces of property or as men’s playgrounds. Women want to be loved and respected, women are God’s daughters and we must treat them as such. Why are the adult movies and magazines in plain sight? It’s because men have let the lust become part of life simply because it is legalized through the world. Again, our lust cannot be tolerated just because the world has said it is OK to indulge because everything is allowable and lawful for us but not all things are good for us to do; everything is lawful for us but we must not become the slave of anything or brought under its power (1Corinthians 6:12).

So where do we go from here? Our lives reflect what our hearts desire. When I finally stopped blaming people, situations, and circumstances and started looking to myself, I realized that I had only gotten what I went out searching for, when I started to take a serious inventory of the sin that had stacked up in my life I realized that my heart was so far from a reflection of Christ that it literally would make me sick. Most of the time I would turn right back to a bad habit, most of the time it was pornography because I could do that secretly. I still have a stack of sins that God is working with me on but I am proud to say that over the last year I have started to see the light. I have started to see that God has a plan for my life. A relationship with God is closer then you think, even in the worst state God is closer then you thought.

He is waiting. Be a Man.

Blueprint

We as men have a reputation of never asking for directions not matter how many times our wives tell us to stop and ask directions we just won’t do it. Why? First of all we don’t want to be perceived as weak or less of a man to our wife, friends or whoever is with us. Secondly, we don’t want the embarrassment of having to admit that we need help. Of course there is always the reason that we just don’t want to admit to our wife’s that they were right!

Direction – (1) the act of directing; management, supervision (2) instructions for doing, operating, using, preparing (3) an authoritative order or command (4) the point toward which something faces or the line along which something moves or lies (5) an aspect, line of development, way, trend

The subject of direction in my life is at its most crucial point it has ever been. Since I was a teenager I have always envisioned myself being apart of something great. Of course at that age it was being in a rock band or a professional basketball player. Now that I am 30 years old with a bum knee I realize that the NBA will not be calling me up anytime soon. Still the same feeling I had when I was a kid still exists today and for most men that feeling never leaves. Why do men well into their 30’s, 40’s and even 50’s chase after an image that maybe reflects the motorcycle ad that plasters a billboard that has some slogan like “The Legend Rolls On” or “Let the Good Times Roll” with some macho man and beautiful women. Why do people want tattoos well after the high school years and college years have past by? Why are clubs full of grown men partying with 18 and 20 yr old college girls? Why do men get divorced after many years of marriage just to marry someone that is 20 years younger? Men are lost! This doesn’t exclude Christian men because our churches are having a hard time giving men direction in their lives, an image that doesn’t include name brand clothes and over priced motorcycles. We are being lead astray by the world. The prophecies that where spoke of against Babylon by Jeremiah where the similar things that we are experience now, “My people are lost sheep, their shepherds have led them astray, guiding them the wrong way in the mountains. They have wandered from mountain to hill; they have forgotten their resting place” – Jeremiah 50:6. We have been led astray to our favorite places of idolatry that seduce us; we have gone from one sin to another searching for our resting place. I can promise you that your resting place will not be found in a fifty thousand dollar sports car, not in a strip club and most certainly not buying into ads that make false promises. To find direction in our life’s we must turn to the blueprint of life – the Bible.

When I am lost on the road I will turn to my own information to try to figure out how to get to where I want to go no matter if I have been there or not. For some reason every time I am in Dallas I get lost. I don’t know why but there is something funky about that city that confuses that heck out of me. The last time me and Tabby where in Dallas we were looking for a restaurant. My wife, in a very sweet voice, said that I might want to check with the front desk about directions before leaving the hotel. So I did and you know what? We got there, sure there was some confession at times with the streets, cars, people and building to distract us but we did everything the directions said that we got from the hotel. You know what I finally figured out? That a person that has been in Dallas for a while, lives and works there has most likely encountered many people like myself and they just might have a better perception of the Dallas area. The guy that gave us those directions honestly didn’t want us to make the same mistakes that so many others had that caused them to miss their reservations or worse yet cause them unneeded stress when the whole time he was standing their with the directions. God has supplied us directions, the Bible.

If you are like me I didn’t know where to start. I would read it and most of the time fall asleep or get so frustrated with the wording or dialog that I would put it down. I started to pray that God would give me understanding, that he would put a desire in my heart to read the Bible, to learn the Bible, “…if you call out to insight and lift your voice to understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it like hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God.” – Proverbs 2:3-6. Something amazing happened in me when I started to pray for understanding, God started pointing out things that where taking away chances to learn his word. I went on a 40 day journey with David Nasser’s book, A Call to Die. I had to give up something for 40 days that took away time from God. I gave up my Playstation 3. Might sound crazy but I was spending hours during the week on my Playstation. I went on this 40 day journey and discovered that I had filled my life with so many things that I didn’t really have any time to “get to know God.” I started to realize that I was trying to find my way thru life with my own knowledge, with my own sense of direction. This is why I had been carried astray and I was falling under the seduction of sin. Psalms 119:9 says “How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping Your word”; keeping God’s Word keeps us pure, gives us direction. When I was up against the turmoil and struggles I had no idea where to turn so I got caught up in a cycle where I was jumping from sin to sin (Like Jeremiah said, mountain to hill).

I said that I have always had a feeling that I was going to be apart of something great. We people think of being apart of something great they may think of money, fame and power; I used to. Now I know that I am apart of something great, I am a follower of Christ. I am actively pursuing a closer relationship with God, sure I fall short but I don’t give up. It amazes me how people will work at something so hard that they want to accomplish and never give up, but when it comes to God’s word people are quick to quit. If you want direction in this life, if you want to find your image look to the author of the greatest blue print ever; look to God, look to God’s Word; “Do not be of conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” – Romans 12:2. Men, lets begin to look to the Bible for the way we should act, the way we should conduct business, the way we should run our households but also first and foremost turn to God for understanding and direction in our lives.

Lead Us.

When No One's Looking

One of the most confusing things for me when I was growing up was that the only difference in a lot of people who went to church verses those who didn’t regularly attended was that some people sleep in on Sunday’s and some went to church. I can remember being at a homecoming party my senior year of high school and seeing a couple of guys who attended the local Baptist church and who where also active in the youth group attending this party. Not only that but these guys where participating in the same things that the rest of us where doing. This was confusing. Every school has a group of kids who regularly attend the local youth groups and church services on Sunday. The problem with this is that I can only think of two individuals I went to school with that actually reflected what I would consider practicing what they preached. Now that I am an adult I see this more then ever.

I have used the excuse and have heard the excuse that the church is full of hypocrites. This is the reason a lot of people use for not attending church or not being a Christian at all. What exactly is a hypocrite? A hypocrite is person that is two-faced, that has a double standard, anyone who says one thing and does another. We are all hypocritical in some form or fashion, we are human, and we make mistakes. In actuality the hypocritical view that many people have hinged their selves on is based off the fact that self proclaimed Christians have a lifestyle that does not line up with the teaching of Jesus. You may be asking yourself, how do non-Christian, non-church attendees know about Jesus’ teachings? I will be so bold to say that people who have never cracked open the bible have heard about Jesus’ love. He loved people unconditionally and he served with unconditional love. Many churches have gotten caught up with the rules and regulations of their denomination. The church leaders and devoted members are concentrating on what people are doing or not doing that doesn’t line up with their beliefs. The “Christians” of the church make comments about other denominations and comment about people who are there or make comments like “Haven’t seen you in a while!” What a way to make a person feel welcomed! Now this isn’t all people in a church but the point is it only takes one person to deter a person from accepting the Christian faith and most importantly turning away from the love Jesus.

When I saw those individuals at the party my senior year and how they started hanging out with us regularly that prevented me from seeking God in my life. I am not blaming them, I am just pointing out how our actions as Christians affect others. I honestly thought that since they were church goers and claimed to be Christians then I should be fine because I believe in God and they are doing the same things as me.

Actions speak louder then words. This is a commonly used phrase that has a lot of truth behind it. Being a Christian is not a few church services a year or serving on some church committee or doing good deeds. Being a Christian is about following Christ, it’s about having an inward appearance that matches the outward. Matthew 23:28 says”…on the outward you seem righteous to people, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” The true vision of Christ has been distorted with religious laws. There is a couple that lives in our town and they struggle with drugs and alcohol. One weekend we were doing a food drive and I got out and approached this house. The lady let me in once I explained that I was with a church and we were doing a food drive. As I enter the house it was apparent that they didn’t care that I knew about there drug usage or alcohol consumption. She went to the kitchen where she grabbed several canned good items out of a box that looked as if it was from the same food pantry that we were taking donations for. As I started out the door I turned to tell them to check out our church service one Sunday morning, but as soon as I said that it hit me. She wouldn’t be accepted in my church. She wouldn’t wear “Sunday’s best” and she wouldn’t have the smell of perfume, she wouldn’t say things politically correct and she wouldn’t be “biblically correct.” It reminded me of Todd Agnew’s song, My Jesus. Here is a portion of that song:

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus

You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity

I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus

Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me

Can I be like You Jesus?

I want to be like you Jesus!

I want to be like my Jesus!

Jesus said in John 13:34-35 “I give you a new commandment; love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” Jesus is saying that if we truly love one another people of the world will know that we are His disciples. This means watching the daily choices and actions that we decide to associate with. I came to Christ by people showing me genuine love; of course family loved me but I am talking about the love that people show that goes above and beyond. When I finally accepted Christ into my life it wasn’t because I had read the Bible or because someone had talked me into it. It was because of a handful of people at the Salvation Army who reflected true love. When the company I worked for asked us to become involved in our community through volunteering with non-profit organizations, it was no mistake that I was drawn to the Salvation Army. Jesus led me there to find my salvation. It was there that I found a group of individuals who truly exhibited love, love toward one another and love to each and every stranger that walked in off the street. It wasn’t shown with preaching Bible verses and it wasn’t shown by condemnation. It was through a hot meal, a clean set of cloths, and a toy for a child or a simple domino game. Through these simple acts of kindest some of these individuals that walked into the Salvation Army came to know Christ and some like my self who didn’t need a material thing was shown acceptance and kindness. There was one lady, Jolissa, who knew what I needed. She saw right through me and it scared me but when she invited me to Sunday service I wanted to come. I couldn’t think of an excuse fast enough, all I could do was accept. If I didn’t show up she never made a big deal about it and it made me want to come more. I knew they where disciples of Jesus by their love.

It was the place that I learned that if I am truly going to be called a disciple of Christ I am going show love to one another, I am going to make sure that the inside matches the outside. [“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence! Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup, so the outside of it may also become clean.” Matthew 23:25-26]

We are all guilty of being hypocrites but what are we going to do about it? Are we going to be transparent with our friends, family and even strangers? Are we going to make a genuine effort to live our lives for Christ through His Word? If Jesus was to pull our credit card bill, movie rental history or our Internet browsing history would he find things that are full of greed and self-indulgence? The thing is Jesus already knows and he is waiting on us, he knows that we can’t do this thing called life without Him. It’s why he went to the cross.