Be Brave

To be brave, to have bravery is to stand up against that which is opposing or to have courage to stand up against an enemy. Bravery has lost its implications and power with a battered and quickly weakening society of men in our world. What tool has been used to destroy the bravery of men? What has created a secret battle that men are fighting alone, denying its existence or completely oblivious to its damaging effect on their families, marriages, relationships and theirselves? Pornography.

Paul Fishbein, founder of Adult Video News, is spot on when he said, "Porn doesn't have a demographic - it goes across all demographics." We would like to think (as most assume) that churches, Christian churches, ministries and organizations would be excluded from Mr. Fishbein's comments but the truth is they strengthen Mr. Fishbein's bold comment. According to data taken from Internet users who participated in a General Social Survey conducted by Covenant Eyes those who self-identify as "fundamentalists" (or conservative Christians) are 91% more likely to look at pornography than the general public. Now conservative Christians may be self policing themselves in other areas like alcoholism, drug abuse, debt management and whatever other requirement some religions place on their members - but the dirty little secret is that men, teenage males and young boys are being blindsided with the drug of pornography. Yes, I said drug, this is an addiction. We are only starting to see the effects of mass produced porn on our culture. Porn consumption for many is a weekly or daily affair for many men, women and yes even our young children - some studies showing ages around 11 years old. Dr. Judith Reisman called porn an "erototoxin" - meaning that the brain itself might be damaged while consuming and watching porn (1. Judith Reisman, “The Science Behind Pornography Addiction). She said that future brain studies would reveal that the surge of neurochemicals and hormones released when someone watches porn has measurably negative effects on the brain. Studies done recent are supporting her comments. 

My addiction to pornography was an almost 20 year battle, much of those years not realizing or acknowledging that first of all it was an addiction and secondly that it was having a negative impact on my life. Growing up within a culture that it was acceptable behavior for a young male to act out utilizing pornography; not to mention that it was somewhat of a right of passage to be a man to watch porn - this being a negative impact on my life was never on my radar. Whether or not a person believes in God or trusts the Bible as God's word-  the truth is the truth. In the book of James vs 1:14-16 reign true, he talks of faith and endurance in the first part of chapter one and sets it straight in verse 14 that temptation to give into evil comes from the lures of our own evil desires. Then goes into a brief but impactful and truthful journey of evil desires within us. If evil desires go unchecked they lead to evil actions and evil actions lead to death. Here is another way to visualize the addiction of pornography - first there is lust in our heart when left unchecked produces sin. This sin grows into a full blown addiction, a "god" and becomes a killer; putting things to death. Relationships, marriages, children, finances, etc. There was a time in this country when we encouraged smoking among all ages, advertised it and sold it everywhere - there were even vending machines. Then a generation of people started to develop respiratory diseases and cancers associated with smoking cigarettes. There was suddenly a retract because smoking cigarettes was proven to be addictive, meaning the body needed it, the mind had built a chemical dependence - then a retract that it was in fact a slow killer, affecting all parts of our bodies slowly, effectively and differently. A pornography addiction left uncheck and unaddressed is like smoking cigarettes. It will effect all aspects of your life. Not at first and maybe not for many years but there will be a time when the realization that a pornography addiction has developed an inability to be satisfied. Desensitized to a point where everyday pleasures begin to lose their excitement - this includes sex - forcing a porn addict's activity to expand and explore harder and different types of pornography to get the same arousal. Like James said it will cause death.

For the majority of men struggling with pornography addiction there is a great deal of shame and guilt associated with it. This is played off in many ways, maybe angry toward those an addict is attracted to or toward those closest to us like a wife because of the hypocriticalness of the secret life. This shame and embarrassment is a result of the lying, hiding, eluding  and fits all the emotional bi-products of an addiction. Similar and same actions where exhibited in my fathers alcoholism. My father had to adopt sobriety and build a lifestyle that reflected that sobriety but first it had to start with a choice. His choice came after a dramatic interaction with God, while downing himself in whisky and making a choice to die at his own hands with his .38 caliber pistol. After he awoke, God whispered to him His purpose - the choice was made. Let me be clear though, he just didn't wake up and was cured, he simply made a choice to be sober and build a life that supported that choice. See it's easy to just accept the pit we are in, to look around at the filth, dirt and bad decisions and just acknowledge it and divert the truth. The real change comes when a person admits his situation screaming from the pit - allowing the pit to become his strength and not his crutch. The way out of the pit of addiction is to build footholds, without footholds you are merely scratching and clawing eventually beaten down from fatigue and failure from a white-knuckle approach. For many years I kept my secret addiction and reliance to pornography hidden. Until one day there was a realization that porn may be the one thing keeping me separated from God's purposes. Isaiah 59:2 says that our sins have cut us off from God - not God - we are the ones causing the separation. For me and my father we made choices to remove those sins and addictions but it wasn't overnight and it was not easy. Being Brave is not easy - its standing up for what is right and just. Accepting the reality of the situation and making the decisions that turn into actions that start a road to recovery. 

The Apostle Paul tells Timothy in 2 Timothy verse 7 that we have not been given a spirit of fear. Paul encourages him to be brave, to stir up the gifts God has given him. Those very same gifts from God are available to all of us - without exercising, without stirring up the fire under the embers the gifts are covered with a life of secrets, lies, hurt, pain, shame that results in decay. For many Christian men they are under the impression and fall under a pressure that once you accept Christ and choose to walk a Christian lifestyle that those addictions should just simply go away. This is exactly what Paul reminds and warns Timothy of in 2 Timothy - with out work and making choices to utilize those opportunities to use those gifts given by God it is simple a life of struggle. The pit of pornography addiction is real, very real - the shame and guilt a person feels in that addiction is not real - that is simply a tool to keep you there. Bravery is the start of recovery. Being Brave is the beginning to Being Free. 

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Breaking Chains - Part III, Embrace the Struggle

Breaking the chains of addictions and sins in our lives is one the hardest thing a man goes through. There is nothing harder then literally changing a habit or lifestyle that has been destructive; ask anyone who has struggled with their weight. Eating is all around us, it is something we must do, and there is no way around eating. People who struggle with their weight have the unfortunate advantage of not being able to hide their struggles, so they must face the world exposed. It’s the same with people who struggle with drinking, smoking or drugs – their outward appearance, smell or sound can insinuate what their addictions consist of.  It’s tough for people who struggle with the obvious; but what about those of us who struggle with the not so noticeable addictions? What if we all wear a sign around our neck that exposed us for our addiction, maybe they would say – “I struggle with jealously,” “…with lust,” “…with greed,” “…with pain,” “…with homosexuality,” “I am an adulterous,” “I am depressed,” “I look at porn,” – I think you get the picture.

A co-worker and I always say that you never know what type of environment or situation people are leaving to come to work. Let’s face it we all have baggage that we carry around from place to place. I see it each and every day. I can instantly tell how someone is going to respond to me before I approach them by their facial expressions or by the way they say “good morning.” I can also tell when I call someone and the way they say their welcoming phrase I can tell whether they are having a bad day or a good day and I am sure people can tell that about me as well. My point is that we all struggle differently and have different pains and hurts; why do we carry around so much baggage? This is not what God offers if you have a relationship with Jesus Christ, right? I am not judging people’s relationship with God what I am pointing out is that what we say means nothing if there isn’t any action to back it up. In the Book of James it is stated that faith without action is useless (James 2:20) and in the Book of Isaiah he says that people make a big show of saying the right things but their actions say another; Isaiah also pointed out that people act like they’re worshipping God but really don’t mean it (Isaiah 29:13) – sound like Sunday service?

No one enjoys pain or fear; however, they play a vital role in our lives and our relationship with God. Most self proclaimed atheist or agnostics are simply mad at God or feel that they have been treated unfairly. Julie Exline, a psychologist, after studying the notion of being angry with God said “Anger toward God often coincides with deaths, illnesses, accidents or natural disasters. “ She goes on to explain that anger with God is not limited to traumatic situations; “[Angry with God] …can also surface when people experience personal disappointments, failures or interpersonal hurts.” (J.Exline, Angry at God? If so, you’re not alone, says psychologist. 2011). Anger with God is something we all struggle with on some level in some time in our live; I’ve had my own moments of angry with God but in those moments of angry it comes from a selfish view point. Anger comes from a selfish view point, we want God or someone to make our lives more enjoyable or comfortable rather than helping us experience the joys, sorrows, defeats and even victories of life. God has been reduced to an instrument to accumulate material blessings to help us be distracted from what God is really doing. Paul discusses this in detail in 2 Corinthians 12; saying that a messenger of Satan was tormenting him and he pleaded with the Lord. The Lord told him that “My grace is enough, it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.” Through our appetite and lure of our sinful nature, the battle to do what is good God wants us to battle through it, to become stronger, smarter, to build testimony to help others with their struggles in similar areas. This is totally backwards of our consumerism culture that offers to remove the pain and fear – to try and distract us from the pain and fear. The materialism truly kills our relationship with God – God explained to use in Matthew that we must not hoard treasure in our lives that can be eaten by moths and corroded by rust or worse stolen by burglars.  The place where your treasure is; is the place you will most want to be and end up being. (Matthew 6:19-21).

We leave in a culture (…and I am convinced that it is no different than biblical days) that determines everything’s value by its usefulness to ourselves. No thought is given to the products we purchase. So much has to happen for groceries to be on the shelves, for cloths to be on the rack, for houses to be built, but most of us act as some magical event has occurred that placed everything right at our finger tips. On the flip side is that once things lose their value or rotten or rip or go out of style we just throw it away and go buy another. This mentality of consumerism has run over into our churches, our relationships and our sinful actions; there is a sense of entitlement that is sweeping over our great nation and most of the world. I ask the question that James asks, where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. (James 4)

Our anger, is deeply planted in our selfishness.  The reason the pornography industry has experienced such success in profits and growth is because the people involved in these acts of sex are looked at as products. Slavery of children, men and women wouldn’t be larger today (approximately 27 million, Barna Group) than any other time in history for the purpose of self-centered mindsets. Once they serve their purpose they are thrown away and replaced. Most of men are casual users of pornography and are comfortable with that – but just as a man will casually move in and out of temporary encounters online with faces on the screen; he will move in and out of relationships. Just like any comfort or amusement that we search or desire for to kill pain or fear or escape of lives journeys; it will never be as satisfying as allowing God to be glorified through your weakness. We must quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift of God’s grace. Taken limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut us down to size – abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks; we must let Christ take over. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

These everyday disappointments, anger or frustrations are simply a distorted view of our God. If we knew our God, had an actual relationship with Jesus we would have joy that could not be shaken by something as trivial as a long line at the grocery store, lack of sleep, rude people, slow service – and the serious of the events like death, sickness, unemployment, adultery should be platforms for us to allow the spirit of God to move through us. Over 80% of Americans say they are Christians, less than 25% of those Christians claim to be totally dependent upon God. To know God is to know His Word. To know God is to know Jesus Christ. How? We must start by finding trusted people to help us through the trials of life and reveal to us who God really is. Not go off of assumptions or third-party commentary from other people.   

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Breaking Chains - Part II, Making the Decision

When we take a hard look at our lives, our families, our children, friends, wife, girlfriend, parents, sisters, brothers, etc.; what type of generational sin is being passed on? What is a reoccurring theme or event that seems to be carried on from parents – to – children – to – their children? Before any action can be taken we must be completely honest, vulnerable, upfront and mature about the junk that is being passed down throughout our families. Also, we need to be mature enough to break away from our pride and ask ourselves “Do I have any behaviors that might have a negative influence on my family or my future family?”

As I have been holding my newborn son over the last several days I think about the example that I am already presenting for him even at his young age. I know that I will make some mistakes; however, I want to ensure that the same mistakes are not made with him that I experienced in my life. I deeply respect and admire my own father; however, I have vivid memories of the sinful example that he portrayed early in my life. My father struggled with alcoholism among other things in his life and as anyone who has struggled through this process with a family member it is grueling. My dad had to make a decision at one point in his life; to stop a destructive lifestyle. The next step in breaking a chain of bondage is “the decision.” My father came from a line of men who he deeply respected and admired; however, each one left a legacy that included a sinful example of addiction. Good or bad legacies are broken or changed by a decision; my family if not different, a decision had to be made. My mother took me and my sister one day and we left my father because of his alcoholism and the actions that where a result of the alcohol’s negative impact on his emotion, attitude and impact on relationship with us all. At that very moment my father had a very important decision to make that decision would be the beginning of a generational sin to be broken. My father’s choice to put the alcohol aside for the sake of his marriage and family was instrumental in our family. I still remember the family counseling meetings and how hard it was to go against something that was so widely accepted as normal in my dad and mom’s own families which was alcoholism but sadly it was celebrated as “boys being boys”. When my dad made the decision to not allow a substance to have control over him; he in turn started a ripple effect that would lead me to this very moment.

It starts with a decision – a decision that we all have to make as men to accept the role as leaders in our lives, families, relationships and in all areas of life. In 1 Peter 2:4-10 we are referred to as building stones for the construction of a sanctuary vibrant with life in which we are called to serve as holy priests offering Christ-approved lives up to God. Later in the verses it says that we are chosen by God for the high calling of priestly work, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him. We are men with big roles; however, we are unable to act in this role because we are being held responsible for our father’s sins to the third and even fourth generations. There are major implications to this as it is mentioned in Exodus 20:5, Numbers 14:18 and Deuteronomy 5:9. In Leviticus 26:39-42 Moses told the new generation that was preparing to enter in that they would not enter unless they dealt with their own personal sin and also the sins of their fathers. Now don’t get it twisted and think that we are being punished from God for our parent’s sin; he said in Exodus 34:7 that he visits the sin upon the children and grandchildren. Ultimately this means that the children and grandchildren will repeat many of the same sins.

Generational sin or sometimes referred to as curses, is the sinful behavior (patterns) that can be passed on through the generations. Divorce, addictions, sexual sins, emotional disorders, bitterness, negativity, prejudice, poverty, failure and worry are generational sins. We need to break these generational sins in our lives before it continues to plague our own lives and starts to become our children’s and even grandchildren’s sin. Stop just accepting what has become normal and allowing ignorance to be acceptable of what is taking place in our lives. Every day men allow the same mistakes and sins to be continued and repeated over and over throughout their families. Even though my father had his struggles and dealt with his share of battles with generational sin; he has made monumental decisions that he is still making today that are shaping and changing our generational legacy. We can no longer try and make excuses for our individual responsibility for sin by blaming our fathers because we will die for our own sin, not another’s (Ezekiel 18:3-4).

How does it start, how do we start to break generational sin in our life? First, realize that it’s not your fault that you inherited generational sin, but it is your reasonability to deal with it. Some of us will need to pray like Nehemiah and confess the sins of ourselves, ancestors and whoever else has sinned against God (Nehemiah 1:5-9). There has to be confession and repentance to break generational sins.

To close, me and my father are closer than ever spiritually. We may not get to spend a lot of time together but seeing him grow more and more into a relationship with Christ have resulted in my passion to know God explode. Generational sin of addiction has been broken with me completely; my son will not witness addiction. My son will not experience divorce. Why? It starts with a decision… a decision to recognize the generational curses and to confess them and bring them out.

For questions, comments, pray requests please feel free to contact me at gzgabay@gmail.com.

Image source: http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?qh=&section=&q=Decision+Road#/d1h4yso

Breaking Chains - Part I, What is it?

My wife and I have been going through the adoption process for a couple of years; after five potential adoptions that failed, we are now going to be bringing home a baby boy very soon. As I stare fatherhood in the face I can’t help but be flooded with emotion, fear, anxiety, happiness, joy and love. When my wife and I even started to think about having children we never could imagine where God was going to take us. The type of adoption we were called to and prayed for was an open adoption; meaning we would have a relationship with the birthmother. These types of adoptions generate lots of questions and concerns for family and friends; however, it makes perfect sense to the adopting parents. For the most part the majority of our family and friends have been supportive and encouraging; I would be lying if I said everything was smooth sailing. Our adoption has one more additive to it; our son will be African American; our family will be trans-racial. Our son being African American has not concerned me one bit because of the support system that we have been able to build. My biggest concern – fatherhood.

When I think of being a father I think of the determination and courage it takes to provide for a family; and I guess that is where the fear sets in. I remember the hard work and determination that my own father had and I have to ask myself do I have that determination and courage; these are the questions I ask myself. Then I read what Paul wrote as he is closing his letter up to the men of Corinth church, “Be alert, stand firm in the faith, be brave and strong. Your every action must be done with love.” 1 (Corinthians 16:13-14); and I realize that leading a family is what we are called to do as men.

Sadly, men have allowed a culture of seductiveness, darkness and passiveness to define us as men. When you look at young men and teenagers today most people will respond by calling them irresponsible, immature, careless and negligent in their roles as men, husbands, leaders and fathers. Even Jesus and the other disciples experienced this in their day; they experienced lazy, unmotivated, weak, confused, unintentional men – how else would we have hundreds of scriptures about how to be a man that still apply today? What has taken this by storm is the mass media and cultural drive of selfish desires by way of catering to men and revealing to men that they can have all the flesh desires but lose everything that God has called us too. Men today spend more time watching TV or surfing the Internet than in meaningful conversation with their children (2011. The Resolution). What has developed is that the television becomes the influence and reference point for what a man is, what a husband is and what a father is. The truth is these young men who have sex as teenagers and have children didn’t “just happen”, it was learned by their father or whoever was their father figure. How many times do we watch sporting events at the high school or college level and make comments about the players’ attitudes? These kids didn’t just start acting like this, sports didn’t just take a turn for the worse – the leadership did. These young men are products of their fathers or cultures that put more importance learning a sport then learning what they are truly called to first and foremost – a relationship with Christ. When grown men will do anything to go to a sporting event, buy a car, make money, meet women or anything that meets a selfish need then you can bet the children will follow. Our culture has rebuilt the golden calf of idols; just like when the people couldn’t wait in the book of Exodus (Exodus 32) for Moses to come down with God directions they created something to worship because they grew impatient. When we as men grow impatient or when we are not getting what we want we create our own “golden calf?” We either work jobs we hate to buy things that make us feel temporally satisfied; or we go to sporting events to pour into a group of guys “living the dream”, or we indulge our sexual desires by pornography, or the most acceptable form of entertainment for men of late visiting a restaurant where the women dress provocative so men can fantasize. When we build our “golden calf” of idols or anything that distracts us from God’s vision and call on our lives we cannot be negative and write off the generation of men that we help raise up with our selfish desires. We must become chain breakers.

Let me explain what a chain break is first – men who break away from anything holding them back from leaving a new legacy of faithfulness behind them (2011. The Resolution). Some may ask what are we breaking chains from? We all have chains that are either bred into us by our parents or choices that cause sin and the bondage that follows or the hurtful examples, lies and worldly traditions that we follow – OR it could and in most cases is a combination of all of these. Before we go any further, think about the “chains” in your lives’; no matter where you are with your walk with God or your level of acceptance of Jesus you have a consistent battle to overcome sin and the bondage that follows sin. Let me give you an example: I refer a lot to the struggle of lust because this is the foundation of most mens sinful lifestyles. I am one of those guys… when I was exposed to pornography in my early teens and I made the choice to entertain this; I single handedly started a chain of events that would link me back to that moment. That single choice to follow something that I knew to be wrong and follow the sin of lust would be the foundation that would lead to numerous other decisions.

So what is you foundational sin? What is keeping you in bondage today? Is it pornography, drugs, alcohol OR is it something less noticeable like greed, pride or depression? To start the process of becoming a chain breaker in your family and/or in your life it starts by realizing that God has determined the times and exact places for us (Acts 17:24-27); where we live, our circumstances are all for reasons above our understanding. Also, realize that God has guided your steps (Proverbs 20:24) and it is not an accident who your parents are or the path you have taken. Every bad thing that has happen to you, every wrong choice you have made, every sin that holds you in bondage today – can be worked together and used for God's good (Romans 8:28).

Before we can break chains in our sinful nature that was inherited or sin we commit ourselves or the hurtful examples, lies and worldly traditions we follow – we must be willing to view our life from God’s divine vantage point then we don’t have to be crippled by the generational sin that has plague our families. God is strategically working out opportunities for Him to be glorified. If you are reading this then you could be that person that has been strategically placed in your family to break the chains of bondage caused by sin.

Before you go any further – take a hard look at your life, your family, your children, friends, wife, girlfriend, parents, sisters, brothers; what type of generational sin are you passing on? What type of legacy are you leaving behind? God is calling you to turn and use the bad situations and choices for His glory!

Reference:
Kendrick, Stephen & Alex (2011). The Resolution for Men.
Image Source; http://www.worldproutassembly.org/archives/2006/07/everywhere_he_i.html

Making the Right Decisions

“Character, like a photograph, develops in darkness” – Yousuf Karsh (Canadian photographer)

Why is it so hard to do the right thing? I can remember every time I made a decision to be “bad” and having that feeling of knowing that it was not right. One moment in particular was when I first realized that I had become the person that I had always said I wouldn’t. During some ungodly hour at a person’s apartment that we hung out at often because they were the access point to anything we wanted to indulge in, I had a moment of clarity. As I sat back in the middle of the couch it was revealed to me what I had become. At this moment in my life I was in a highly dysfunctional relationship full of deception and deceit, was using alcohol and marijuana causally, and had opened the gateway to the next level. When I sat back and pondered and scanned the room during this brief moment of sobriety I realized I was doing all the wrong things with all the wrong people – no wonder I was unhappy. Now this moment didn’t last long but it was enough to make me think. First thought – How did I get here? Second thought – How do I change? Third thought – To hard.

So… why is it so hard to do the right thing? Holiness (meaning: dedicated or devoted to the service of God or the church). In 1 Peter 1, as Peter is reporting in his letter he speaks of the importance of being holy. Peter says to roll up our sleeves, put our mind in gear, and be totally ready to receive the gift that’s coming when Jesus arrives. He also says to be self controlled and not to conform to sinful personal desires; be holy in all that you do - or do the right thing. When Peter was motivating and telling his listeners of the importance of being holy and making the right decisions; he knew that it was hard to understand because we are sinful by nature. How can we live holy lives when we clearly live in an unholy world? We should live as strangers or foreigners here and not merely settle down and make ourselves at home in the world.

I watch so many men wasting their lives, not making good decisions – I was one of those men at one time. I used to assume the life that I lived was inevitable, that I was stuck and powerless to change. I had tried lots of times to change but nothing seemed to work. I have a family history of drugs, alcohol, sexual immorality and failure – I assumed “that’s who I am.” I learned to manage my lifestyle and accept it – to the point of celebrating my sinful, immoral life while making it my identity. It took me realizing that I was the problem. That the truth was that I needed to change; that I couldn’t change myself; and that I needed another power to change me – Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit was that power that changed me. It’s the only power that truly changes anyone.

I am convinced that every man wants to do the right thing. Even though I didn’t know the bible or really understand Jesus, God or the Holy Spirit; I always knew what I was making was a bad decision. That it was going to lead to something worse or would have the potential to end disastrous – I know now that the Holy Spirit is that feeling in our souls that we try to cover up with addictions, distractions and pain in an attempt to make our decisions seem right. We know what is right! We all know deep down that serving our Lord and having a relationship with Jesus Christ is right; why do we massively fail at making the right decisions? – Lack of self control.

Studies show that alcohol and marijuana are gateway drugs, meaning they lead to bigger and more intense actions and addictions. Sexual immorality (the quality of not being in accord with standards of right and good conduct) is the gateway to a life of lack of self control. Throughout the bible there are cultures that raise and fall, groups of people that raise and fall; this occurs when sexual immorality enters the picture and is celebrated. Throughout the bible you can pull references and points of interest to prove a point – I’m not going to do that. I will tell you that taking sex out of the context of what God called it to be, perverts the act altogether. That there is more to sex than mere skin on skin; it is as much a spiritual mystery as a physical fact. God says that “the two become one.” If we want to become spiritually one with God we must NOT pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy; which leaves us lonelier than ever; this kind of sex can never “become one.” Sexual sin violates the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love for “becoming one” with another. Our bodies our sacred and is the place of the Holy Spirit. We can’t live how we want, spitting on Jesus’ bloody face as we speak with our actions that His death wasn’t good enough. The physical part of us is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you; God owns the whole thing. We must show God in and out of our bodies.

The close up, the ability to do the “right thing” or make the “right decision” comes from something much deeper than the decision at the time of creation; the ability to make right decisions comes from the ability to have self control. The ultimate lack of self control comes from allowing our bodies and thoughts to be empowered by immorality in most cases sexually. When we have a life that is a destructive cycle, we have to find where it began. We have to find where we first allowed our bodies to be sold off into forms of prostitution in the forms of sex, drugs, greed, or something as simple as course speaking (or cussing). If we are having a hard time making right decisions then we must have self-control – “Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” Philippians 4:8-9.

References: 1 Corinthians 6; Philippians 4
Image Reference: http://www.buzz22.com/2010/05/evidence_based_product_management/

Creatively Deceptive

“Drink the Kool-Aid” is used in both a positive and negative sense when we talk about following a mission or philosophy; however, its origin lies in the 1978 tragedy Jonestown where over 900 members of Peoples Temple took poisoned fruit punch at the direction of their leader, Jim Jones (2008, S.Stept).

I have been on a personal mission of late to discover what in the world does it look like to serve God… truly? Does serving God mean having a church personality, work personality, home personality, social personality… and so on? Does serving God mean voting what the “other Christians” vote, condemning women for an abortion with a picket sign or crude remark? Maybe serving God is going to church an hour or so a week. There are literally thousands of questions I could ask because we all have them; I want to touch on one particular question? What does serving God look like individually?

I mentioned a brief description of the expression “drink the Kool-Aid” because this expression reveals a group of people who believed a false prophet, idol, and a plain out lie. Many who experienced this tragedy first hand can tell you how easy it was to become entangled…many who weren’t involved with this tragedy quickly judged these people, wrote them off as crazy, delusional, and weak.

OK… confession time. I’ve drank the Kool-Aid several times in my life; and several times the Holy Spirit has revealed truth to me to prevent me from further decay of my spirit. What do I mean by this? My latest realization that the Holy Spirit has really been hammering home is just accepting what I see in TV sitcoms, movies, sporting events as “acceptable.” What a lot of people don’t know is that companies like Time Warner, General Motors and Marriott make millions off of the pornography industry; these are three American born companies who are serving the Kool-Aid of sexual immorality. Sure, they’re not making it but they are contributing to a $2.84 billion dollar industry in America, $4.9 billion worldwide. When Internet statistics reveal that 40 million adults regularly visit Internet pornography sites… there is a large amount of people drinking the Kool-Aid; this doesn’t even count the adults who visit pornography stores, strip clubs or under 18 users (most likely through their Smartphone’s).

Where does it start? I mean, Jim Jones of People’s Temple didn’t just overnight convert over a thousand people over to his cult; there was a slow acceptance. It’s like what has been said about frogs; you can put a frog in a pot of water and gradually turn the heat up, the frog will never realize till its boiling to death. We have allowed our culture and society to gradually turn the heat up on us…
In our culture it’s easy to say we have Faith and that we believe in God. What if our backs are against the wall? What if you are standing toe-to-toe with a decision to either choose God or choose satan? Want the honest answer… most choose satan. Why? Look at the proof, just like a lawyer or jury – look at the evidence. Media, style and culture are direct reflections of why most choose satan. This is strong and offensive but we make hundreds, maybe thousands, of decisions each day that either point us to Christ or point us to the prince of this world, satan (John 12:31, John 14:30). This is nothing new, people have been making choices for thousands of years to serve the world, and I get it because I was once that guy and honestly to some degree still am. Paul tells the Romans in Romans 12 not to become so well-adjusted to our culture that we fit into it without even thinking. Instead fixing our attention on God and we will be changed from the inside out. Readily recognizing what God wants from us and responding to it. Unlike the culture around us, always dragging us down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of us, develops well-formed maturity in us. Basically, “don’t drink the Kool-Aid!”

Our culture has turned into some twisted freak fest of sexual immorality; it’s everywhere and on everything. Among all the drugs that I ever experienced nothing was harder to overcome like the sexual cocaine that lured me into a trap and raped my mind and conscience; it was addictive and demoralizing. Sexual immorality is deadly and that’s why Paul made it clear in 1 Corinthians 6:16-20 that sexual sins are different from all others because we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, the bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Unlike mainstream drugs, pornography has become somewhat of an acceptable behavior for men of all ages… “Just being boys.” God created sex for a man and his wife to enjoy; He permanently linked its pleasure to marriage, love, intimacy and lifelong commitment. When a sexual relationship is modeled after what God called it to be it is grounded in love, freely shared and maintains its priceless meaning and many healthy benefits. There is no cost, no charge, no guilt and no regrets. When sex is twisted and manipulated by our culture by feeding us sexual images and sexual references in our movies, TV sitcoms, grocery store magazines, car ads, clothing ads, cartoons… (Literally every venue of our culture has some type of undertone of sexual reference or immorality) – We are all drinking the Kool-Aid of deception by the gallons! All men are tempted sexually; however, not all men entertain the temptation. Women – if you think it’s not a problem then you too have drank the Kool-Aid.

So, let’s ask the questions once more; how did Jim Jones convince over 900 people to join him in insanity? He gained trust, he bullied, and he gradually introduced small amounts of “craziness” to build this insane group of people. Let’s flip it… we let TV networks, politics, movies and culture define what is acceptable. Cartoons with subtle sexual references flood our children’s minds. What’s the difference? I know some families, men, women and even teenagers who have already drank the Kool-Aid of deception and truly believe what the world says goes… who is the prince of this world?

Men – if you read this and it hits home; talk to someone. There are true believers out there that will not judge you or force religion on you. But they will help you for a relationship with Jesus. You do need a relationship with Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit to impact your life.

Women – pray for your eyes to be open to the accepted worldly things that trip up the men in your life.

Reference:
Kendrick, S. Kendrick, A. Alcorn, R. & Kimbrough, L. (2011) The Resolution for Men. B&H Publishing Group, Nashville, Tennessee.

Stept, S. (2008.Oct.15).MSNBC.http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27204411/ns/msnbc_tv-documentaries/t/where-did-drink-kool-aid-come/

The Example

I recently went to Milam County Cowboy Church in Rockdale to witness my sister, brother-in-law and nephews be baptized all at once. It took all I had not to burst in tears of joy! There was one comment that the preacher said as he asked who is first; my brother-in-law volunteered and then the preacher said to him “that’s the way it should be because men are the spiritual leaders of their families.”

Spiritual leader, what exactly is that?

The meaning of a leader is an individual who goes first and leads by example; therefore, others are motivated to follow that individual. This individual must have a deep-rooted commitment to a goal even if nobody follows. I am passionate about seeing men develop a relationship with Jesus Christ. Why... because once a man gets a relationship with the living God, Jesus; they are powerful weapons against all that is evil. They become powerful leaders in their families, workplaces, churches, community and in all walks of life.

Men struggle for purpose, direction and respect; when these are not meet or there is an unhealthy approach to obtaining these then this is when men fall. Men will seek something to give them some sort of artificial substitute in the form of addictions such as drugs, alcohol, pornography, sex, money, work; any thing that opposes or takes God’s word out of context (1John 3:4). Men who struggle with purpose, meaning and respect turn to some sort of substitute because they usually didn’t have adequate leadership in their own lives. Men that never had their fathers’ speak into their lives, raise them, teach them, love them, respect them or call them out as men in an encouraging manner are usually the ones searching and accepting artificial substitutes or a lie. Jesus speaks truth; and the disciples that walked were no different then any other man living today.

I am not taking importance away from women because they play an important role in reflecting the bride or church; men must be a groom or the reflection of Jesus Christ. Without Jesus there is no church, without a groom there is not bride. Statistics show women raising children alone without a father or male role model have a higher chance of struggling in many areas. Men play an important role because they are to be leaders but how can we as men be affective leaders if we are struggling with our own lives trying to find purpose, direction and respect while falling prey to the sin of the world. Teenage boys, young men and older men are walking around searching for these things in the wrong places… men would rather chase their selfish desire by hanging out in clubs, womanizing, drugging or drinking, spending money on meaningless things; anything to mask the fact that their lives have no purpose, no direction and that they get no respect.

I can speak into these things because I struggled with these things. I do have a father and he taught me valuable lessons that have carried me throughout live; however, one thing that was not revealed to me clearly was the importance of a relationship with Jesus. Yes we prayed and I said I believed in God but really never understood what I was saying. My father is a hard working man and always has been, he has always made sure that food was on the table, that we had clothes on our backs and a roof over our head. We lived comfortable but as I grew older I struggled because I didn’t have a purpose, direction or the respect that I’d envisioned; therefore, I struggled with all of the artificial substitutes that I mentioned before. Many people blame their struggles on others, and most of the time that may be true, but there is a time to quit blaming others and look to ourselves. Most men grow temperamental, easily offended and have prejudices of their environment when purpose, direction and respect are missing; this is true for myself and Jesus’ disciples. Even though I may not have had the perfect spiritual upbringing that some churches would look for; I was teachable. Jesus is looking for men willing to learn. Problem is that most of us get so caught up in our lack of purpose, direction and respect that we fill our lives with materialism, addictions and pride which destroys the opportunity to meet with Jesus and overcome our issues to experience what we are truly called to.

When Jesus sends out his disciples one of the things He tells them is to not take any money, clothes or shoes; to literately go with the clothes on their back; then he tells them to not hesitate when offered hospitality as long as they are working (Matthew 10:9-10). Why would he tell them this? Well, He wanted them to always be in a position of needing God and not getting blinded or distracted with the selfish needs. If God was always the provider then they would always look to Him, not their selves. When Jesus sends out the disciples He wants them to be totally reliant on God’s direction. If you want a purpose, a direction and respect then you must look to Jesus. Men are the method that Jesus uses to win the world and He is waiting on us to create space for Him to reveal His truth. That truth is Jesus is looking for men who are fed up with the religion that is vested in a small minority of people and the hypocrisy that fills our lives. Jesus picked men who where common laboring men, having no professional training beyond their basic knowledge of their vocation, they weren’t considered wealthy or rich. These men represented an average group of men in their society in their day; they most certainly were not the men the Pharisees would have chosen. Jesus chose these men because they were teachable; however, they were still mistaken in their judgment, slow to comprehend spiritual things but also they were honest men willing to confess their need. Jesus is waiting to use you in a big way… He wants to give you a purpose, direction and respect.

Follow His lead… “I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you” – John 13:15

When Peter falls on his knees and tells Jesus to leave him because he is too much of a sinner; Jesus simple says “Don’t be afraid” and calls him out of his selfish lifestyle and reveals a life of purpose, direction and respect (Luke 5:8-11).

Make room for Jesus, lose the pride and look to Him. Your family, children, wife and so many others need to be lead by a Spiritual Leader who has learned to follow the example of Jesus Christ.