God uses Imperfections

In 2008 I went on a mission trip to Mexico City; the purpose of this trip was to hand out 4,000 copies of the Gospel of John. The whole time leading up to this trip I felt as if God was going to really reveal something to me; in fact, I told my wife this before I actually made the decision to even talk to the pastor about the mission trip. When we arrived to the church in Mexico City and did the introductions between everyone they begin to beak us off in teams. There were 6 of us and I was just praying to myself at this point for me to be placed with someone that could speak English. Well, God had other plans for me the first day; no one in my group spoke English and they didn’t understand a word I was saying and vice versa. So the first full day of this trip I was totally dependent on people that I couldn’t understand, it was crazy; however, there were two days that I was paired with a young man, Miguel, who did speak English. As I mentioned earlier, the purpose of this trip was to hand out 4,000 copies of the Gospel of John to households throughout the area we were serving. Again, God had other plans for me during this time.

Me and Miguel started off one day after lunch, just me and him; two strangers. As we began our walk throughout the community we began to talk, mostly small talk about cultural differences and sports until he ask me a question that would start our two day journey. As we walked along the street he asked if I was married in which I responded yes. We then started to discuss his girlfriend and their desire to marry each other. Miguel expressed concerns about marriage and he shared that he still drank and partied. I responded and said “I used to do that”, he was surprised because in his words “I didn’t seem like that.” As we openly discussed the struggles that we had both encountered with alcohol, drugs, and the effects of certain types of music we started to develop trust between each other. After we had gotten into some pretty deep conversations about different situations while handling out gospels to households, he ask me a question that still impacts me to this day, “I want to ask you something because I know you don’t know anyone here and won’t tell anyone.” This took me aback. He then asked me about pornography, strippers, masturbation, pretty much all aspects of sexual sin. Everything that I had struggled with first hand. Miguel and I shared deep conversation about the struggles of sin in our lives; I shared my testimony about breaking the bondage of alcohol and drugs and shared with him my struggles with sexual sin. As we handed out gospels to residents of Mexico City we shared how God was working in our lives and breaking sin in our lives as well as our struggles with sexual sin and lust in our hearts.

Here I was, thousands of miles from home in the second largest city in the world connecting with a young man about the same exact struggles I was encountering in my life. In 2Corinthians 5:11 says “…we persuade people. We are completely open before God, and I hope we are completely open to your consciences as well.” I was completely open with Miguel as he was with me, we did this before God. Sharing our brokenness with each other somehow fit into one another’s lives, our entire lives. Miguel and I had an intimate moment with each other not because of the righteousness that we tried to reflect, but by the “crap” that we were dealing with. I spoke into Miguel’s live about alcohol and drug abuse and we encouraged each other with our struggles with sexual sin. Embracing the reality of the world we live in and the addictions, emotional damage, lustful desires and the basic selfishness that we ALL struggle with each day communicates truth. It demonstrates that we understand this life we live and this world we live in.

We are alone and our lives don’t make any sense because God never intended for us to stand alone. Each one of our lives where made by God. We all have a testimony of some sort, broken marriages restored, divorce, abuse, addiction, sexual abuse, financial problems– anything that we have or are still struggling with can be used for God’s glory! Someone out there is looking for a reason to believe, to continue fighting. God intended for us to connect to the brokenness in the world we live in to reflect a perfect God.

God uses imperfect people to represent a perfect God.

source for image: http://media.photobucket.com/image/Walking%20Together/snavenel/istockphoto_798931_walking_together.jpg

So-Called Culture

If you have been reading this blog you know some of the darker sides that I have experienced. You know that I am open on how sexual sin has affected my life in many ways and how I truly believe that it was the “gateway” to all the other sins that I indulged in. I sometimes ask the question of why am I sharing this with an audience that I mostly do not know personally? Why do I stay up late into the night with a passion to write and to develop some sort of message? It’s because sexual sin is out of control and has become an accepted part of out society.

Michael Vick recently was reinstated into the National Football League after spending 18 months in a federal prison. Vick recently did an interview with ESPN and made this comment –

“I let myself down, you know, not being out on the football field, being in a prison bed, in a prison bunk, writing letters home, you know. That wasn’t my life. That wasn’t the way that things were supposed to be. And all because of the so-called culture that I thought was right – that I thought it was cool. And I thought is was, you know, it was fun, and it was exciting at the time. It all led to me laying in a prison bunk by myself with no one to talk to but myself.”

Michael Vick bought into a culture that was feeding him with empty promises and he was following false idols. Vick was at one time the highest paid quarterback, when he was convicted and sent to prison he lost $135 million in contracts and endorsements; along with the money, the people who where his friends where the first to pin everything on Vick to prevent themselves from going to prison. The “so-called culture” that Vick referrers to is the lie that the world sells to each and every one of us as men. This is why I am sharing my story, not because I have some close connection with Michael Vick but because he resembles what most men are battling; a culture that has embraced sinful actions.

Men are losing the battle against sexual sin. We have become a generation of men who are consumed with selfish desires and we don’t even realize it. We are tricked by the seeming innocence of little things such as billboards and advertisements with scantily clad dressed women that are specially designed to draw our eyes in for closer looks as if we ourselves are David looking at the woman bathing on the roof (2Samuel 11:2). Just like David, we go out inquiring and eventually we sin. You may think that I am being a bit dramatic but consider a few of these facts:

• Hollywood currently releases 11,000 adult movies per year – more than 20 times the mainstream movie production. (LA Times Magazine, 2002)



• One in 4 American adults surveyed in 2002 admitted to seeing an x-rated movie in the last year. (National Opinion Research Letter)



• 42% of songs on ten top-selling CDs in 1999 contained sexual content, 41% of which were "very explicit" or "pretty explicit." (Family News in Focus, July 2005)



• "Comcast, the nation's largest cable company, pulled in $50 million from adult programming. All the nation's top cable operators, from Time Warner to Cablevision, distribute sexually explicit material to their subscribers. But you won't read about it in their annual reports. Same with satellite providers like EchoStar and DirecTV, which is owned by Hughes Technology, a subsidiary of General Motors. How much does DirecTV make off of adult product? “They don't break the number out. But I would guess they'd probably get a couple hundred million, maybe as much as $500 million, off of adult entertainment, in a broad sense,” says Dennis McAlpine, a partner in McAlpine Associates, who has tracked the entertainment industry for over two decades. “I would think it's probably more than what their overall profit is. The other areas are losing money. That's making money.” Then there are the big hotel chains: Hilton, Marriot, Hyatt, Sheraton and Holiday Inn, which all offer adult films on in-room pay-per-view television systems. And they are purchased by a whopping 50 percent of their guests, accounting for nearly 70 percent of their in-room profits. One hotel owner said, "We have to have it, our guests demand it.” (From a CBS News Special Report, November 2003)



• "The porn industry employs an excess of 12,000 people in California. In California alone the porn industry pays over $36 million in taxes every year." (Bill Lyon, a former lobbyist for the defense industry turned lobbyist for porn, as quoted by CBS News November 2003.)

Our so-called culture is built off of the sins of our fathers. Generational sin is very real and if you are struggling with some type of sin in your life odds are your father struggled in the same manner. Both my grandfathers were alcoholics and from what I know put their families through some tough times and had tough times themselves. My father was an alcoholic but made the choice to break the bondage of alcohol on our family. I may have struggled with alcohol and drugs but realizing the decision my father made and remembering the change that occurred even at a young age was dramatic and impressionable. In Exodus 34:7 it says “Keeping mercy and loving-kindness for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but Who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children's children, to the third and fourth generation.” My father made the first step to breaking the generational sin in our family and at 25 yrs old I made the choice to continue. I vowed to take what my father had started and build off of it so that my wife wouldn’t have to suffer through some of the trials that come with dealing with men with addictive habits.

To break sin in your life you must make a choice, to serve God or the world. In Joshua 24:19 he is speaking of the renewal of the covenant, “…You will not be able to worship the Lord, because He is a holy God. He is a jealous God, He will not remove your transgression and sins”; our rebellion and sins keep us from a relationship with God not to mention experiencing His blessing that come from an in-dept relationship. I made that choice to not serve the world but I didn’t do it overnight and to be completely honest I am still working on it.

When I decided to choose God I addressed all the “big” sins in my life: sexual sin, drugs and alcohol. Addressing these sins in my life was a huge step and I felt as if I had removed the sin that was enticing me; however, I had not begun to address the sin that had become sensible in my life because of the acceptance in our so-called culture. In our culture it is not a question whether you will be tempted but rather then when will you face temptation? The truth is that we will all be tempted and there is nothing we can do about it. The problem really isn’t the temptation either. The issue is that we have become so focused on our definition of sin that we haven’t developed responses to the “small” sins, the sensible sins. We stamp people as sinners for lust and addictions to alcohol, drugs and sex; when we ourselves are not vigilant when it comes to materialism and excess; pride and resentment, gossip, jealousy, selfishness and greed, monitoring the words we say. I don’t know about you but I have become pretty good about ignoring these “small” sins because in our so-called culture these sins are acceptable as Christians. We use these small sins in our daily lives to move us forward because broken people are motivated by broken efforts.

Sinful nature is in each and everyone of us. If the weakness that we have in our lives is not held accountable then the sin will add up and eventually destroy our lives. Little sins lead to the big sins. We have pursued holiness in the areas of our lives that our so-call culture looks down upon therefore causing us to label ourselves acceptable Christians with the attitudes and approaches that are actually sin. I am not defending Michael Vick but I am saying that he got caught up in the so-called cultures view of acceptable sin along with myself. We must look to God for acceptances and the sin in your life and my life must be taken to Him in prayer. We have such a hard time admitting failure and that we need help. The hardest thing I ever told anyone was when I told my wife that I had a problem with sexual sin in my life and I needed help… the second was admitting to God that I had fallen into the worlds definition of a Christian and not His – this was just a few weeks ago.

The reason I write this blog – God has called me to share my thoughts, trials and concerns. Why? – because I believe that men are ready to take a stand against a culture that has tried to mold us. We wander why we have feelings of failure, it because we have not looked to our true father – God.

Who's to Blame?

When I was at the height of my addictive state it seemed like everywhere I turned there was something to satisfy my craving for some selfish desire. I would literally go several days influenced by some type of drug or alcohol. I was drinking at work, taking pills to stay awake at school, taking pills to fall asleep; it was everywhere and it seemed like I had total access. It was no different with the lust in my heart; the internet was always there, there where a couple of strip clubs in Waco and adult stores. It seemed that everywhere I turned there was something supplying a desire. Sins are not “out there” in the media, strip clubs, bars, dance clubs; they are not in the women who wear revealing clothing. The painful truth is that the sinfulness of our hearts that breed lust and sin is in “us.” This is explained by Jesus in Mark 7:21-22 “For from within, out of people’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immoralities, thefts, murders, adulteries, greed, evil action, deceit, lewdness, stinginess, blasphemy, pride, and foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a person.”

The world has put so much into what qualifies as normal and abnormal behavior. If you have some sort of abnormality the world’s answer is a cure. When I was struggling with my grades in high school it was never my fault it was always the teachers. The thought never crossed my mind that it might have been because I didn’t study the material or do the assignments as the teacher directed. I blamed someone else. When I was going through the “dark” stages in my life I honestly thought that it was because everything was so readily available, there was a place to get everything and it seemed like people where ready to give it away. It never once crossed my mind that it was the unrestrained conduct and foolishness that came from within. It is so easy to blame someone or something else for our sin instead of “manning” up and admitting the problem we have with sin and repenting

According to Scripture Jesus is normal and without sin, that would make all of us abnormal sinners with indwelling sin. So that must mean that we are all abnormal because we all struggle with sin, right? Our lives are outward reflections of our hearts; our heart is the essence of who we are; which, is the expressions of ourselves through words and actions. When I said earlier that everything was readily available, well it was. I was attracting everything that my heart desired. My inner desires where to serve myself and indulge in every selfish desire that I could so I was getting exactly what I wanted.

We live in a culture that has become very sexually minded. In the 50’s and 60’s Playboy and Penthouse were stored behind the counter out of sight and you would have to ask for it with some type of secret code word or something. We see movies with full nudity and sex scenes played out in vivid color. We can just simply go to the movie rental place and the adult movies are on the top shelf in plain sight and men you know as well as I do it just takes a glance. (Matthew 5:28 “…everyone who looks at a women to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”) I heard a comment once by some guys about girls, they said that most girls these days have been with several people and it was hard to find a “good girl.” I responded with, “Why do you think they are like that?” Women truly don’t want to be treated like pieces of property or as men’s playgrounds. Women want to be loved and respected, women are God’s daughters and we must treat them as such. Why are the adult movies and magazines in plain sight? It’s because men have let the lust become part of life simply because it is legalized through the world. Again, our lust cannot be tolerated just because the world has said it is OK to indulge because everything is allowable and lawful for us but not all things are good for us to do; everything is lawful for us but we must not become the slave of anything or brought under its power (1Corinthians 6:12).

So where do we go from here? Our lives reflect what our hearts desire. When I finally stopped blaming people, situations, and circumstances and started looking to myself, I realized that I had only gotten what I went out searching for, when I started to take a serious inventory of the sin that had stacked up in my life I realized that my heart was so far from a reflection of Christ that it literally would make me sick. Most of the time I would turn right back to a bad habit, most of the time it was pornography because I could do that secretly. I still have a stack of sins that God is working with me on but I am proud to say that over the last year I have started to see the light. I have started to see that God has a plan for my life. A relationship with God is closer then you think, even in the worst state God is closer then you thought.

He is waiting. Be a Man.

Blueprint

We as men have a reputation of never asking for directions not matter how many times our wives tell us to stop and ask directions we just won’t do it. Why? First of all we don’t want to be perceived as weak or less of a man to our wife, friends or whoever is with us. Secondly, we don’t want the embarrassment of having to admit that we need help. Of course there is always the reason that we just don’t want to admit to our wife’s that they were right!

Direction – (1) the act of directing; management, supervision (2) instructions for doing, operating, using, preparing (3) an authoritative order or command (4) the point toward which something faces or the line along which something moves or lies (5) an aspect, line of development, way, trend

The subject of direction in my life is at its most crucial point it has ever been. Since I was a teenager I have always envisioned myself being apart of something great. Of course at that age it was being in a rock band or a professional basketball player. Now that I am 30 years old with a bum knee I realize that the NBA will not be calling me up anytime soon. Still the same feeling I had when I was a kid still exists today and for most men that feeling never leaves. Why do men well into their 30’s, 40’s and even 50’s chase after an image that maybe reflects the motorcycle ad that plasters a billboard that has some slogan like “The Legend Rolls On” or “Let the Good Times Roll” with some macho man and beautiful women. Why do people want tattoos well after the high school years and college years have past by? Why are clubs full of grown men partying with 18 and 20 yr old college girls? Why do men get divorced after many years of marriage just to marry someone that is 20 years younger? Men are lost! This doesn’t exclude Christian men because our churches are having a hard time giving men direction in their lives, an image that doesn’t include name brand clothes and over priced motorcycles. We are being lead astray by the world. The prophecies that where spoke of against Babylon by Jeremiah where the similar things that we are experience now, “My people are lost sheep, their shepherds have led them astray, guiding them the wrong way in the mountains. They have wandered from mountain to hill; they have forgotten their resting place” – Jeremiah 50:6. We have been led astray to our favorite places of idolatry that seduce us; we have gone from one sin to another searching for our resting place. I can promise you that your resting place will not be found in a fifty thousand dollar sports car, not in a strip club and most certainly not buying into ads that make false promises. To find direction in our life’s we must turn to the blueprint of life – the Bible.

When I am lost on the road I will turn to my own information to try to figure out how to get to where I want to go no matter if I have been there or not. For some reason every time I am in Dallas I get lost. I don’t know why but there is something funky about that city that confuses that heck out of me. The last time me and Tabby where in Dallas we were looking for a restaurant. My wife, in a very sweet voice, said that I might want to check with the front desk about directions before leaving the hotel. So I did and you know what? We got there, sure there was some confession at times with the streets, cars, people and building to distract us but we did everything the directions said that we got from the hotel. You know what I finally figured out? That a person that has been in Dallas for a while, lives and works there has most likely encountered many people like myself and they just might have a better perception of the Dallas area. The guy that gave us those directions honestly didn’t want us to make the same mistakes that so many others had that caused them to miss their reservations or worse yet cause them unneeded stress when the whole time he was standing their with the directions. God has supplied us directions, the Bible.

If you are like me I didn’t know where to start. I would read it and most of the time fall asleep or get so frustrated with the wording or dialog that I would put it down. I started to pray that God would give me understanding, that he would put a desire in my heart to read the Bible, to learn the Bible, “…if you call out to insight and lift your voice to understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it like hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God.” – Proverbs 2:3-6. Something amazing happened in me when I started to pray for understanding, God started pointing out things that where taking away chances to learn his word. I went on a 40 day journey with David Nasser’s book, A Call to Die. I had to give up something for 40 days that took away time from God. I gave up my Playstation 3. Might sound crazy but I was spending hours during the week on my Playstation. I went on this 40 day journey and discovered that I had filled my life with so many things that I didn’t really have any time to “get to know God.” I started to realize that I was trying to find my way thru life with my own knowledge, with my own sense of direction. This is why I had been carried astray and I was falling under the seduction of sin. Psalms 119:9 says “How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping Your word”; keeping God’s Word keeps us pure, gives us direction. When I was up against the turmoil and struggles I had no idea where to turn so I got caught up in a cycle where I was jumping from sin to sin (Like Jeremiah said, mountain to hill).

I said that I have always had a feeling that I was going to be apart of something great. We people think of being apart of something great they may think of money, fame and power; I used to. Now I know that I am apart of something great, I am a follower of Christ. I am actively pursuing a closer relationship with God, sure I fall short but I don’t give up. It amazes me how people will work at something so hard that they want to accomplish and never give up, but when it comes to God’s word people are quick to quit. If you want direction in this life, if you want to find your image look to the author of the greatest blue print ever; look to God, look to God’s Word; “Do not be of conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” – Romans 12:2. Men, lets begin to look to the Bible for the way we should act, the way we should conduct business, the way we should run our households but also first and foremost turn to God for understanding and direction in our lives.

Lead Us.

When No One's Looking

One of the most confusing things for me when I was growing up was that the only difference in a lot of people who went to church verses those who didn’t regularly attended was that some people sleep in on Sunday’s and some went to church. I can remember being at a homecoming party my senior year of high school and seeing a couple of guys who attended the local Baptist church and who where also active in the youth group attending this party. Not only that but these guys where participating in the same things that the rest of us where doing. This was confusing. Every school has a group of kids who regularly attend the local youth groups and church services on Sunday. The problem with this is that I can only think of two individuals I went to school with that actually reflected what I would consider practicing what they preached. Now that I am an adult I see this more then ever.

I have used the excuse and have heard the excuse that the church is full of hypocrites. This is the reason a lot of people use for not attending church or not being a Christian at all. What exactly is a hypocrite? A hypocrite is person that is two-faced, that has a double standard, anyone who says one thing and does another. We are all hypocritical in some form or fashion, we are human, and we make mistakes. In actuality the hypocritical view that many people have hinged their selves on is based off the fact that self proclaimed Christians have a lifestyle that does not line up with the teaching of Jesus. You may be asking yourself, how do non-Christian, non-church attendees know about Jesus’ teachings? I will be so bold to say that people who have never cracked open the bible have heard about Jesus’ love. He loved people unconditionally and he served with unconditional love. Many churches have gotten caught up with the rules and regulations of their denomination. The church leaders and devoted members are concentrating on what people are doing or not doing that doesn’t line up with their beliefs. The “Christians” of the church make comments about other denominations and comment about people who are there or make comments like “Haven’t seen you in a while!” What a way to make a person feel welcomed! Now this isn’t all people in a church but the point is it only takes one person to deter a person from accepting the Christian faith and most importantly turning away from the love Jesus.

When I saw those individuals at the party my senior year and how they started hanging out with us regularly that prevented me from seeking God in my life. I am not blaming them, I am just pointing out how our actions as Christians affect others. I honestly thought that since they were church goers and claimed to be Christians then I should be fine because I believe in God and they are doing the same things as me.

Actions speak louder then words. This is a commonly used phrase that has a lot of truth behind it. Being a Christian is not a few church services a year or serving on some church committee or doing good deeds. Being a Christian is about following Christ, it’s about having an inward appearance that matches the outward. Matthew 23:28 says”…on the outward you seem righteous to people, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” The true vision of Christ has been distorted with religious laws. There is a couple that lives in our town and they struggle with drugs and alcohol. One weekend we were doing a food drive and I got out and approached this house. The lady let me in once I explained that I was with a church and we were doing a food drive. As I enter the house it was apparent that they didn’t care that I knew about there drug usage or alcohol consumption. She went to the kitchen where she grabbed several canned good items out of a box that looked as if it was from the same food pantry that we were taking donations for. As I started out the door I turned to tell them to check out our church service one Sunday morning, but as soon as I said that it hit me. She wouldn’t be accepted in my church. She wouldn’t wear “Sunday’s best” and she wouldn’t have the smell of perfume, she wouldn’t say things politically correct and she wouldn’t be “biblically correct.” It reminded me of Todd Agnew’s song, My Jesus. Here is a portion of that song:

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus

You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity

I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus

Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me

Can I be like You Jesus?

I want to be like you Jesus!

I want to be like my Jesus!

Jesus said in John 13:34-35 “I give you a new commandment; love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” Jesus is saying that if we truly love one another people of the world will know that we are His disciples. This means watching the daily choices and actions that we decide to associate with. I came to Christ by people showing me genuine love; of course family loved me but I am talking about the love that people show that goes above and beyond. When I finally accepted Christ into my life it wasn’t because I had read the Bible or because someone had talked me into it. It was because of a handful of people at the Salvation Army who reflected true love. When the company I worked for asked us to become involved in our community through volunteering with non-profit organizations, it was no mistake that I was drawn to the Salvation Army. Jesus led me there to find my salvation. It was there that I found a group of individuals who truly exhibited love, love toward one another and love to each and every stranger that walked in off the street. It wasn’t shown with preaching Bible verses and it wasn’t shown by condemnation. It was through a hot meal, a clean set of cloths, and a toy for a child or a simple domino game. Through these simple acts of kindest some of these individuals that walked into the Salvation Army came to know Christ and some like my self who didn’t need a material thing was shown acceptance and kindness. There was one lady, Jolissa, who knew what I needed. She saw right through me and it scared me but when she invited me to Sunday service I wanted to come. I couldn’t think of an excuse fast enough, all I could do was accept. If I didn’t show up she never made a big deal about it and it made me want to come more. I knew they where disciples of Jesus by their love.

It was the place that I learned that if I am truly going to be called a disciple of Christ I am going show love to one another, I am going to make sure that the inside matches the outside. [“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence! Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup, so the outside of it may also become clean.” Matthew 23:25-26]

We are all guilty of being hypocrites but what are we going to do about it? Are we going to be transparent with our friends, family and even strangers? Are we going to make a genuine effort to live our lives for Christ through His Word? If Jesus was to pull our credit card bill, movie rental history or our Internet browsing history would he find things that are full of greed and self-indulgence? The thing is Jesus already knows and he is waiting on us, he knows that we can’t do this thing called life without Him. It’s why he went to the cross.

Little Things

Today’s church service was amazing at Antioch Community Church. The pastor discussed trials in our individual life’s and how God uses trails to shape our character. The service was very emotional for several reasons, I am in a place right now where I feel God’s presence in my life more then ever; I feel as if I am trapped in the community in which I live and am being held back. Secondly my wife has been struggling with issues of her own that God has been dealing with her about. Lately me and Tabitha feel a little over whelmed with everything that God has shown us that needs some adjusting. In Psalms 105 it speaks of Joseph and the trials in which he endured, in verse 19 it says “Until the time his prediction came true, the word of the Lord tested him.” I have heard this verse a couple of times before; however, when I heard it today I saw it in a new light. It was as if God was ready for me to understand another ‘piece’ of the puzzle.

When I came to the cross and accepted Christ truly into my heart in February of 2005 at the Salvation Army in Waco, I felt as if nothing could conquer me, nothing could come against me that was not of God. Don’t get me wrong this is true, when you accepted Christ into your heart you are surrendering your life and yes there is a lot that changes in your life. I immediately quit drinking, smoking and doing drugs; I was a changed man. I was in the Justification stage of my relationship with Christ, I was restored by grace in a relationship with Christ and I was pardoned from my sin. This was a most glorious day in my life that I will never forget. After this awesome life-changing event occurred I had to return back to the real world; the world in which I now was responsible for reflecting Christ in, being in the world and not of the world. I realized that it was hard.

When I threw down all the junk that was causing problems in my life, with my relationships, myself and especially with God, I forgot to lay down a few. I had thrown out all of the most obvious afflictions that I was carrying, the ones that people could see; however I had a whole lot of afflictions and sins of the world I was holding onto. This included my attitude, gossip, greed, envy and lust of course. I had acted out James 2:14-26; which states in verse 24 “…a man is justified by works and not by faith alone” and in verse 26 “…faith without works is dead.” I was calling myself a Christian and was acting no different than the world. I was still participating in actions and events that went against the Word of God. In late 2005 God begin to bring some personal trials my way; I wanted my life to truly change, to experience what Ecclesiastes 2:26 says “To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness…”

In 1994 Gavin Rossdale of the band Bush released a song called Little Things. Here is the chorus of that song:

Going up

When coming down

Scratch away

It's the little things that kill

Tearing at my brains again

The little things that kill

The little things that kill

It truly is the little things that can kill. With everything I have had to deal with in my life the lust of my hurt has almost killed me. The lust of a man’s heart is a powerful weapon that evil uses against men. I can remember so many times coming off of a spiritual high with God just to come crashing down several days later. I am proud to say that for the first time ever in my life I feel as if the bondage of lust in my heart has subsided. The reason for this is because of the trials that God has put me through. When Gavin wrote the lyrics for Little Things it seems to me that he was struggling with the little things that haunt us when we are alone. When I was alone I would drown out the feelings with drugs and alcohol, when I got rid of those distractions I couldn't ignore the ‘little things’ that I had not taken to God. These ‘little things’ where my safety net, they were the parts of my life that I was not ready to give to God because I was honestly scared of what I would have to do next.

I struggled with an addiction to pornography for at least 15 years. I was this man that was on fire for God yet when I was alone; by myself I was a man tearing my brains out because of the sin that was holding me in bondage. [“When I want to do good, evil is with me.” – Romans 7:21] Every step that I would take for God would be counteracted by steps back for my evil which is my flesh. This was the trial that God wanted me to endure for Romans 5:3-4 says this “…but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope.”

God calls us all and he teaches us through trials. No matter the type of trial, no matter how intense or how painful; God uses the trials in your life in order for you to share His holiness (Hebrews 12:10). Joseph was his fathers favorite, so he was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers. He then was wrongfully accused by Potiphar’s wife of sexual advances which landed him in prison. While in prison God created opportunities for Joseph after having many trials in his life that helped build a character that would ready him for the position that Pharaoh appointed him. God has something great for everyone as long as you see through each trial, just as a parent must ready their child for the world God must prepare his children.