There is a great parallel we can draw from this joke concerning the rash of denial, ignorance and over blatantly ignoring of the porn addiction and the effects it is having on individuals, relationships and the culture.
For the point of this discussion, I want to discuss the massively unspoken issues with porn usage within organized Christian churches and denominations. Not to demonize one church over the other but because my passion, my drive is that porn addiction would be a more recognized, respected and resourced area of churches. I truly believe that families could be radically changed by one man's choice to abstain from porn, to be mentored through the addiction and create real responses to the daily triggers that are associated with the addiction. Churches would become more abundant in transparency, and the development of authenticity would better equip us as people to actually help people from a place of complete truth and openness. The intensity and love behind discipleship would be free of the barriers of sexual strongholds and porn addictions from both parties.
I once told a senior pastor of a large church as we met about what addressing porn addiction in the church would look like - that I would first assume that 90% of the men in this church struggle in some degree with some type sexual stronghold or distortion. Maybe not a full blown porn addiction but something sexual that is either related to sexuality, fetishes, frustrations, abuse, dreams, thoughts or other areas that deal with medicating, acting out or dealing with emotions by acting out sexually. I am just not pulling numbers or making up stats. Some is based on reliable studies done by the Barna Group; (https://www.charismanews.com/us/45671-shocker-study-shows-most-christian-men-are-into-porn) who in there last study that focused on porn and affairs of those who identify themselves as born-again Christians revealed 95% admitting that they have viewed porn, over half of those within the last month and the remaining seen porn within the last 90 days. Also, 30% had an affair, and about 30% were erasing internet browsing history consistently. The stat that blows me away is that only 18% admitted to a porn addiction - when in reality all 95% had a porn addiction at some degree. I have mentored 40+ men through porn addiction, and for the most part, these men were men who had admitted that they have a problem. All these men where proclaimed Christians by their own convictions. I fell into this as well. I was a self-proclaimed born again Christian who used porn regularly. I can tell you I have talked to way more men who have denied an issue with porn, or skirted the question or attempted to cover up their porn usage in there lives with mission work, discipleship, spirituality or overly referencing books. And those where the self-proclaimed Christians.
For the point of this discussion, I want to discuss the massively unspoken issues with porn usage within organized Christian churches and denominations. Not to demonize one church over the other but because my passion, my drive is that porn addiction would be a more recognized, respected and resourced area of churches. I truly believe that families could be radically changed by one man's choice to abstain from porn, to be mentored through the addiction and create real responses to the daily triggers that are associated with the addiction. Churches would become more abundant in transparency, and the development of authenticity would better equip us as people to actually help people from a place of complete truth and openness. The intensity and love behind discipleship would be free of the barriers of sexual strongholds and porn addictions from both parties.
I once told a senior pastor of a large church as we met about what addressing porn addiction in the church would look like - that I would first assume that 90% of the men in this church struggle in some degree with some type sexual stronghold or distortion. Maybe not a full blown porn addiction but something sexual that is either related to sexuality, fetishes, frustrations, abuse, dreams, thoughts or other areas that deal with medicating, acting out or dealing with emotions by acting out sexually. I am just not pulling numbers or making up stats. Some is based on reliable studies done by the Barna Group; (https://www.charismanews.com/us/45671-shocker-study-shows-most-christian-men-are-into-porn) who in there last study that focused on porn and affairs of those who identify themselves as born-again Christians revealed 95% admitting that they have viewed porn, over half of those within the last month and the remaining seen porn within the last 90 days. Also, 30% had an affair, and about 30% were erasing internet browsing history consistently. The stat that blows me away is that only 18% admitted to a porn addiction - when in reality all 95% had a porn addiction at some degree. I have mentored 40+ men through porn addiction, and for the most part, these men were men who had admitted that they have a problem. All these men where proclaimed Christians by their own convictions. I fell into this as well. I was a self-proclaimed born again Christian who used porn regularly. I can tell you I have talked to way more men who have denied an issue with porn, or skirted the question or attempted to cover up their porn usage in there lives with mission work, discipleship, spirituality or overly referencing books. And those where the self-proclaimed Christians.
So let's think about this, a little sneak peek at what rolls around in my head when it comes to churches, porn, men and families. Now I do admit I didn't grow up entirely in a church environment and my journey to the cross is a little different then most but I believe closer aligns to most then credited (read about that journey here: Hangover to Jesus). But I have also worked in business for 19 years, and there is something called outside consultation. This is someone or a group that comes in to give an assessment of what the company is doing. They dig into leadership, products, compliance, financials and on and on. You are essential standing nude in a business sense and allowing some to point out and question whatever they want. And you pay them for this! The idea is that you have a fresh vision and can enhance areas that are going well and fix areas that are not so good. I have also worked in churches and with leadership, sometimes more in the "shadows" talking about issues related to porn addiction and all the effects associated with porn addiction. What I have found is that people either recognize the problem, skirt the issue or are crippled by their own secret, lonely, dangerous addictions to porn. And this is where I land at, it is a long road out of the depths of porn addiction. While some attempt to mask their addictions with the intense faith and intense spirituality the truth lies right under the surface - the dangerous addiction to porn that is waiting to destroy, to seek death and to pull the individual deeper into the addiction all while proclaiming Christ.
Where do we start? One person, one man at a time. That's where we begin. The Catholic Church is going through a massive issue with sexually related issues that have destroyed and brought a significant amount of pain on people. The Catholic Church has been highlighted, but this happens in literally hundreds of other churches in all denominations across the US but fly under the radar for one reason or another. I look at these situations from the outside looking in and see men, men that know the Bible better than most and have some relationship with God, so wrapped up in porn addictions for years that lead to these horrific actions. Addictions are progressive. There is always a need for more; hence why porn is considered the gateway drug to sexual trafficking, prostitution, rape, and sexual abuse. What I have seen through my own experience while working with leaders with porn addictions, is this: isolation and lack of trust in people to share with is a significant component of the ongoing unwanted habits. Someone to trust to admit the addiction to, and the ability or offering to walk with a real mentor, or counselor or psychiatrist that has to experience freedom from porn addiction is missing for one reason or another.
Why do some people have an inability to control their use of pornography? While do some people continue to have sexual encounters with multiple people even in the face of consequences? Porn addiction and other sexual strongholds are complex. But with an active mentoring relationship the addict of porn can discover factors like the history of abuse or addictions in their own lives, realize a biochemical problem, be aware of abuse or trauma that has contributed to the addiction. So many people accept Christ, proclaim their alliance with God and say "I am Free From Addiction!" But in most cases, it doesn't work that way. If you have been depended on porn for years upon years you must develop a battle plan, you must be equipped. You must learn this new life, this new approach without porn being the secret outlet, the secret little dark place that you act out your frustrations, angry's, other emotions and deal with lives up and downs. You must be provided resources, tools and weapons to fight. That is why my wife and I do what we do. Its why we provide mentoring, resources and tools. Its why we find great outreaches to work with like Be Broken (www.bebroken.com) and great resources and tool sites like Covenant Eyes. Check out www.bebravebefree.org for more information about resources, tools, and services.
Christians we have a problem, everyone is saying they are not struggling with porn but is that really the truth? Are we as Christians being honest with what is going on in us and around us? Are we willing to allow someone from the outside take a look around those secret places, those areas of our lives we are shielding from our Christian friends, co-workers? Are we as Christian leaders being open and honest about the struggles with porn and sexual strongholds? If your not - reach out!
Photo by Hunter Haley on Unsplash
Where do we start? One person, one man at a time. That's where we begin. The Catholic Church is going through a massive issue with sexually related issues that have destroyed and brought a significant amount of pain on people. The Catholic Church has been highlighted, but this happens in literally hundreds of other churches in all denominations across the US but fly under the radar for one reason or another. I look at these situations from the outside looking in and see men, men that know the Bible better than most and have some relationship with God, so wrapped up in porn addictions for years that lead to these horrific actions. Addictions are progressive. There is always a need for more; hence why porn is considered the gateway drug to sexual trafficking, prostitution, rape, and sexual abuse. What I have seen through my own experience while working with leaders with porn addictions, is this: isolation and lack of trust in people to share with is a significant component of the ongoing unwanted habits. Someone to trust to admit the addiction to, and the ability or offering to walk with a real mentor, or counselor or psychiatrist that has to experience freedom from porn addiction is missing for one reason or another.
Why do some people have an inability to control their use of pornography? While do some people continue to have sexual encounters with multiple people even in the face of consequences? Porn addiction and other sexual strongholds are complex. But with an active mentoring relationship the addict of porn can discover factors like the history of abuse or addictions in their own lives, realize a biochemical problem, be aware of abuse or trauma that has contributed to the addiction. So many people accept Christ, proclaim their alliance with God and say "I am Free From Addiction!" But in most cases, it doesn't work that way. If you have been depended on porn for years upon years you must develop a battle plan, you must be equipped. You must learn this new life, this new approach without porn being the secret outlet, the secret little dark place that you act out your frustrations, angry's, other emotions and deal with lives up and downs. You must be provided resources, tools and weapons to fight. That is why my wife and I do what we do. Its why we provide mentoring, resources and tools. Its why we find great outreaches to work with like Be Broken (www.bebroken.com) and great resources and tool sites like Covenant Eyes. Check out www.bebravebefree.org for more information about resources, tools, and services.
Christians we have a problem, everyone is saying they are not struggling with porn but is that really the truth? Are we as Christians being honest with what is going on in us and around us? Are we willing to allow someone from the outside take a look around those secret places, those areas of our lives we are shielding from our Christian friends, co-workers? Are we as Christian leaders being open and honest about the struggles with porn and sexual strongholds? If your not - reach out!
Photo by Hunter Haley on Unsplash
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